Dear Shri Mohan Bhagwatji

Dear Mohan Bhagwatji.

Shashtanga Namaskar!

Recently I came across your statement made for the 294749028^th time. Indians should produce more children. Was it Indians or was it Hindus? I am not sure but reading between the lines, I feel once all Non-Hindus convert, then I presume they can produce more Hindus. Oru kallule rendu manga! Rather I should like a true Sanghi use Hindi instead and say Ek teer do nishan!

The statement has resulted in shrill and rather hollow protests from the modern day Jaichands who have denounced the same in no uncertain terms. Poor Sods! Uninformed and uneducated lot of JNUwadis! Hence through your good offices I would like to inform and educate the said people so that they too may see enlightenment and go forth and procreate!

They unlike me are missing the woods for the trees. Here we are after existing for over millennia and still China leads us in absolute numbers. How can we allow it any further? We must immediately embark on our national duty and defeat China in Population and achieve Numero Uno status. While it may seem rather difficult that we will beat China in terms of the size of their economy, over all development or in the Olympics Medals tally, at least in the foreseeable future, let us at least begin by beating them in population count!

The naysayers also miss the point that the children we produce will have ready and free access to world class educational facilities in Saraswati Shishu Mandirs! A sure shot route to dominate the world’s knowledge economy. Those who claim that we will breed generations of ‘Hindi Medium Types’ need to be told in no uncertain terms that Hindi is our Rashtra Bhasha and down with English and Imperialism. (For the last mentioned, we will have unequivocal support of the Jyoti Basu’s progeny, Welcome!)

Learn Rashtra Bhasha!

You will also provide free Roti Kapda aur Makaan needless to add. The Annadanam schemes in various temples I am sure will be extended to all temples and LO! Free food! As regards Kapda, our knickers or the soon to introduced ‘full pants’ should suffice amply. I was momentarily stuck as to what do we make the girls wear? I mean knickers and pants is against Bharatiya Sabhyata for our womenfolk. They daylight stuck. What is the point in giving birth to girl children in the first place when all they end up as is victims of ‘Love Jihad’ and an occasional Olympics medalists!  Makaan will be a slightly tougher issue to tackle. We would possibly have to make do with the Shakhas and Gaushalas, till we open enough of them to match the demand! 

Roti

Kapda

Makaan

A 'puny' medal and Love Jihad

I however have only one regret. Your offer has come too late for me. The Adarsh Liberal who delivered my second child in his misguided enthusiasm to promote Hum do hamare do went ahead and closed my baby making ‘factory’! Sigh! However I promise I will take your gyaan as part of the Teach the teacher programme and go forth and encourage Hindus to produce more babies!

Shashtaanga Namaskar again!

Bharat Mata Ki Jai!

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PS: Some people ask how will we produce more Hindu babies if we don’t have sufficient girl children? I think you would suggest a reverse ‘Love Jihad’. Love Yudh would be an apt brand name!