Money Ratnam!

The year was Circa 2000 AD, what was branded as the Millennium Year. As the new financial year was about to kick in, a time when we salesman types gather to commit to what is known as the 'Budget Meeting/Conference'  Given the fact that the year gone by was fairly successful one for the organization that we worked for the Auditorium in the Corporate Office was ditched and the jamboree was organized at a very well known holiday resort in Ooty. The resort then was a pioneer in the concept of Time-Share properties and was very 'upmarket'. The team gave a massive thumbs up to the management for treating us as something more than just sales data! The resort lived up to the hype. Far removed from the civilization of any type bang in the middle of the majestic Nilgiris range. PEACEFUL!. The rooms were neatly made up exuding comfort and warmth, very welcome in the cold climes. The gardens and landscape giving us paindoo types the feeling of being in ShangriLa! If there is Jannat on earth, it is here, it is here was the unanimous verdict.

Post settling down, the mandatory order for chai-n-pakoras was placed with the room service. And reality check started. Apparently the entire resort was manned by only 5-6 people to serve all the guests! Suffices to say the chai came so late that we assumed it was freshly plucked, processed and brewed exclusively for us. The pakoras we thought were being imported from Coimbatore a measly 60 odd KMs away! I also created a new record by buying packet of cigarettes for a princely  sum of Rs.250.00 while the going price for the same on the rest of the planet was a measly Rs.40.00!

We took the 'service' bravely, as bravely as maybe facing the West Indian fast bowlers on the Barbados pitch. And got on to the 'business' part of the visit. Post the initial 'hip-'hip-hurrahs' it was yours truly's responsibility to make my presentation. Barely was I past the 'Hi! Mates' when the over head projector started behaving as though it were hit by a cyclone. Once the staff were done with the Research & Development, it was decided that I was good enough to continue with the job on hand so what if the audience couldn't see my skills at Power Point. All of us have seen enough and more of these all our lives anyway! I resumed bravely with just audio to support me in my endeavor when the power failed. And the diesel for the generator was still sitting snugly in the gas station 20 kms away. The audience was temporarily denied of their entertainment and  lunch was hastily called. Lunch took a few hours coming and we all boarded the bus, conference aborted midway and resumed a day later at the auditorium at the Corporate office!

Not OK!

I had the same feeling as narrated above as I walked out of the cinema after watching O Kadhal Kanmani (OKK), the latest offering from Mani Ratnam. In business one is often quoted the dictum "Over promise, under deliver". Essentially a situation where you raise the expectations of a consumer for your product or service and then disappoint them with delivering below that benchmark. All the fluff, the window dressing, smart marketing and aggressive sales pitch, attractive offers is of zilch value when breakfast arrives at a time when you are preparing for your evening tea break!

Where are the Nayagan Days?

(For those who came in late, I am no expert on the cinema business, I am not even a Mani Ratnam regular. But I am what I am, a irregular film goer at best but a consumer. I spend my hard earned money and time to watch a film. And hence everything I say goes, for me. You may agree to disagree! Welcome) I have seen Mani Ratnam deliver classy and commercially successful films. Roja on the burning issue of terrorism in Kashmir which Bollywood had not even thought of  attempting then. I also liked Bombay which dealt with the communal couldron of those times. I liked Anjali where Ratnam showed us the trauma of a family with a mentally challenged child and showed us, the society the mirror. And then there was Nayagan, a biopic of giant proportion if there was one. I concede, Ratnam often compromised on certain elements due to commercial reasons, valid in a box office led business like any other. But he was bold, his stories relevant and timely, his scripts breaking new ground despite the compromises, introduced world class technicians and did Tamil cinema; nay Indian cinema proud. And then he made OKK! I might have peacefully sat through the film, maybe even enjoyed it if it were from a newbie filmaker. On the flip side I might not have even gone to watch it had it not been for brand Mani Ratnam. What OKK delivered was a fairly competent work from the actors on screen (Dulquer Salman and Nitya Menen are quite charming as the protagonists), brilliant cinematography by P C Sreeram, decently hummable tunes by A R Rahman. While his team delivered, Mani Ratnam disappoints. I would rather watch the rerun of his breezy Alaipayuthe made a decade+ ago! OKK! Brand Mani Ratnam over promises, under delivers! The film is supposedly delivering golden eggs at the box office.

 Money Ratnam indeed!

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PS: Nothing is heavier than the weight of expectations - Old Jungle Saying

Glossary:
Paindoo : Derogatory terms used to describe the 'villager' types.
Jannat : Heaven

chai-n-pakoras  : Tea & Tidbits

Why am I Secular?

I am an Indian first. As the Constitution of this country assures me we are a Secular country. And as a believer in this holy book, I am Secular. Not just because the constitution insists I should be but by choice. And as you have rightly guessed, I am very perturbed by the recent attacks on the secular fabric of this country by the Govt of the day. To quote just two of the recent attacks on this founding pillar of the Idea of India is the celebration of ‘Good Governance Day’ on 25^th December and Eminent Jurists of the country being asked to have conferences on the extended weekend  that is Good Friday-Easter. Blasphemy! I object; nay I condemn these moves. How can this be permitted? It goes against the very grain of Indianness! How can anyone ask me or anyone to work during holy(i)days?? If you disagree with me, please look at the list attached below.

Bura na mano Holiday!

These are the designated list of Holidays for Central Govt employees approximately 25 odd days of  a year. Add to this the weekends ki chutti of 100+ days. Not to forget Casual leave, Sick Leave and leave for other ‘emergency’.  And to imagine someone wants us to work on holidays!

Apart from being a massive proponent of Secularism, I am also a big supporter of the other pillar that founds the Idea of India, Pluralism. Apart from the ‘National’ Holidays, I am also a strong supporter of ‘Regional’ Holidays. Glance at the list attached of the holidays in Tamil Nadu. This list of course is not universal and subject to vary from state to state. I am sure you get the drift!

Idea of India!

However if you are a fence sitter here is my last salvo. Apart from these list there are other ‘occasions’ which demand declaration of Holidays like elections to the municipal corporations, state assembly, Parliament, umpteen by elections etc. Should you be a resident of Bengal or Kerala, it is well within your right to demand 4-5 days of ‘Bandh’ or ‘Strike’.

So don’t dare anyone tamper with my secularism or pluralism. However should the ruling dispensation insist on converting India into a “Hindu Rashtra” the only way they can get me to support the idea is by declaring a holiday dedicated to every god and goddess! For those who came in late there are 'only' 330000000 Gods and Goddesses in the Hindu Pantheon!

When is merawala holiday?

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PS: If you wonder how will we make both ends meet in the Hindu Rashtra,well for starters I suggest the Govt convert my share of the black money which is going to be brought back into a special high yielding fixed deposit and transfer as EMIs into my Jan Dhan Bank Account! Achche Din are here after all!

Glossary:

Bura na mano Holiday : Don't mind it is a holiday!

Chutti : Holiday

Hindu Rashtra : Hindu Nation

Achche Din : Good Days!

Ooo Lala!

When I look back on my career as a gully cricketer eons ago, there are two players who have gone on to play the game in its highest form whom I identify with. I have already written about the Malang Man earlier. I now write about the other legend who has done our breed proud, Shahid Afridi aka Boom Boom alias Lala!

Boom Boom!

One of the fundamental rules in gully cricket as I have mentioned earlier too is there are no rules. Afridi is the most accomplished practitioner of this dictum as none before him could and I presume none after him can. ‘See ball will hit’ would possibly be the most apt description of him. It doesn’t matter if he is opening the batting, playing in the middle or bringing up the tail. So too irrespective of whether the team is in strong position or needs to rebuild. And not to forget the so called cognoscenti who distinguish between Tests, ODI or T20. Shahid Bhai’s gaadi has only one gear, fifth! In gully cricket parlance we see no distinction between formats, status of the inning or the competence of the other batsman. We just go out with only a Ghuen Tak or a Chak De Phatte on mind when we bat. And none does it better than Lala! Mera Lala sabse ala!

Start! 5th Gear! Vrooom!

Maaro!

Once I got out of childhood and joined the rat race, there was immense pressure on me to improve. Get the right increment here, eye that promotion there. And in trying to do it, I was forced to learn more things, read, experiment, fine tune, improve. Essentially Think! How I wish I were Shahid Afridi! Not for our hero the complications of thinking! Not for him the required run rates, the condition of the pitch, the strength of the opposition, need to build partnership. Gosh! Thinking? Thinking is almost like doing engineering! Thinking is such a waste of time when you can ‘hit-out-or-get-out’! And who cares about critics who expect you to graduate and grow as a player! Who in their ignorance write reams of paper lecturing about technique, reading the game or playing high percentage shots! Chill man! It is a sport! Maaro! I am sure we the fans know better. I mean those huge 6s, those agricultural shots which puts the bowler and the fielders under your mercy. And fast. So what if you succeed only once every Eid and once more on Diwali. Adrenalin is everything. As is a dash of romance! While I am no longer the child I was, Shahid Bhai has remained the child that he was and the child I wanted to. 

I am Back!!

The most inspiring thing about Afridi is what I always wanted to do but was hugely scared of even attempting. One of the fundamental techniques to grow within an organization is blackmail. A subtle statement when the boss is within hearing distance about an offer from the competition or a resignation before the peak selling season invariably got you that much delayed promotion or increment. My fear was what if the boss got the message wrong and sacked me first or god forbid accepted my resignation? No such fear for our hero. Retire, retire again, retire once more, retire from tests, retire from ODI! Not for him the fear of the bosses. Every retirement only increased the clamour for a comeback! Each as spectacular in expectation as the next!

The exit of Pakistan from the ongoing World Cup brings us to yet another retirement of Shahid Khan Afridi. Au Revoir Lala! See you back sooner rather than later!

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PS: Before Shahid Afridi was rightly bestowed with the nickname, Boom Boom was associated with Boris Becker. Still is I am told, in ninety percent of the world which doesn’t play our beautiful game!   

Glossary :

Gaadi : Vehicle

Ghuen Tak : Hit It!

Chak De Phatte : Euphemism for Go for it!

Mera Lala Sabse Ala : My Lala is the best!

Maaro : Hit!

Bhai : Brother

Delhi Deconstructed

BJP

From time immemorial the detergent powder market in India meant Surf, Surf and virtually nobody else. This giant of a brand from Unilever then called Hindusthan Lever was a virtual monopoly in the branded detergent  powder segment to the extent it became generic. Old timers among us would remember that even me-toos and wanna-bes could not break away from the Surf mould let alone compete. Even the colour of the detergent was generic, a pale blue 'Surf" colour. A cushy HLL laughing all the way to the bank in a bubble of its own. All this till the late '80s. And then the inevitable happened. A small town entrepreneur named Karsan Bhai Patel launched his homegrown concoction of a detergent powder with an atrocious packaging named after his daughter. And yellow in colour! Nirma! Backed by a promise of 'doodh si safedi' and a catchy jingle and priced at 1/4th of the Surf, Nirma gobbled Surf's marketshare and went on to become a leader in many a market and big enough to threaten Surf's leadership position. Old timers among us would remember the irony when consumers asked for ' Nirmawala Surf dena!' Replace Surf with BJP and Nirma with AAP and you would possibly understand the voters verdict in the just concluded elections for the Delhi Assembly. Overconfidence almost bordering on arrogance against a fleet footed start up which refused to play by the existing market rules torpedoed the well entrenched leader. BJP's last minutes tactics of bringing in new faces, lewd and negative campaign almost mirrored HLL's tactics of reducing prices, launching a mega negative campaign (Whiteness or burnt hands) etc and which like BJP's campaign failed to find traction with the consumers. Well done Nirma, well done AAP!

Arrogant Market leaders, Beware!

Will Wheel apply the brakes?

It is rumored that there exists a secret book in the Unilever Headquarters in Rotterdam, Netherlands which is an encyclopedia of every marketing skirmish it has faced in every market in the world. The company dug deep into the same and is supposed to have pulled out a strategy to compete versus Nirma. A strategy already applied in markets similar to India facing a similar David vs Goliath war. HLL launched a new brand Wheel in the Nirma segment and priced it just a tad higher than the upstart to kill Nirma's biggest USP, price. Promoted as a 'better detergent at affordable price' to take Nirma head on, Wheel gradually turned the tables on the newbie. While Wheel indulged in the market warfare on the price platform and flanked Surf, the latter was given a complete makeover with new packaging and a 'superior' positioning to regain its primacy by creating the premium segment which was targeted at the upwardly mobile middle class which the then recently liberalized Indian economy threw up. And there in lies the lessons for BJP to bounce back post the pasting it has received in Delhi. Go back to its core promise, the secret book, which made the Indian electorates give it massive majority in the last general election. (Link here Dear Sri Narendra Modi!)

Will Surf 'Excel' again?

AAP

One of the greatest marketing fiascos ever indulged in by any company happened in '85 when Coca Cola, hold your breath, changed the recipe of its flagship aerated drink. So uproarious was the reaction and rejection from the consumers that it is said that this led to Pepsi taking leadership position in the North American market for the very first time in the history of the Cola Wars. To cut the story short, Coke quickly went back to its original recipe and post one of the costliest marketing campaigns ever went back to where it always was, leadership. Nothing works with consumers better than a responsive brand. A sincere apology to the electorates for the mistake of the '49 day government' fiasco has indeed worked wonders for brand AAP. Now AAP has the tougher task at hand. Apologising for the mistake was akin to bringing back the original Coke recipe. Delivering the 'always Coca Cola' promise is the task now. It doesn't take the consumer time to switch brands preferences again.

Recipe is back. Will it 'refresh' again?

Congress

I had written on the challenges the Congress faces earlier. To cut the story short Suffices if I just replug the same again here!


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PS: Over to Bihar now. Will BJP stick to its 'Secret Book' or can the arithmetic of JDU+RJD+INC do a  Nirma? Watch this space!

Glossary :
doodh si safedi : Whiteness like milk
Nirmawala Surf dena : Give me Surf named Nirma

Smog, Airports And Common Man!

I am not very sure of the year so suffices to say it was the Christmas Eve during early 2000s. Self was booked to fly down to Bangalore from Delhi. And as you have rightly guessed flying out of Delhi during its severe winter nights is a zilch idea. Given the fog/smog the schedules of all the airlines were thrown haywire then, just as they are even today. Delays ranging from hours to days being the norm. Given this scenario, Jet Airways made a cardinal error of sending me an SMS saying my flight however will take off as scheduled. Armed with the said message I made it to the Airport as planned.

One fine winter morning @ Delhi......Airport!

On reaching the Airline counter I was informed by the helpless Passenger Service Officer that she had no clue when my flight will depart as there were three DEL-BLR flights already scheduled before mine and were yet to take off. Out came the mobile and I showed the damning SMS. Any explanation about the same being an automated/scheduled message were swatted away like any Indian batsman would a fuller delivery outside the leg with no fine leg/square leg, to the boundary. Post a fairly authentic portrayal of the 'Angry Young Man', I was accommodated in the next departing flight out of turn.

We were all seated and ready to take off. However we were delayed due to the air traffic over Delhi and the Airline decided to serve us our dinner. Imagine a Christmas Eve dinner in an aircraft! But then who was I to complain when I was at least fortunate to embark on my journey homeward, many on ground then would have envied me about such small mercies. Dinner done, we awaited the take off. A hour or so later we were informed that the flight will apparently not take off at all due to worsening visibility and were subsequently deplaned. The assurance given that the flight will take off the next morning at 9 AM. So much for my stroke of good luck! To top it all was the gleeful and nasty faces shown by the passengers who were left behind in the airport gave us on our return back to terra firma!

After a peaceful night at Taj Mansingh, courtesy Jet Airways I was back in the aircraft with the rest of the passenger well on time. What followed was breakfast! And yet another delay. As the fog began to thicken again, the passengers badgered the cabin crew on the reasons for the delay. Finally the Captain announced that the delay despite an all clear was due to a politician who was to fly with us was yet to arrive. The proverbial last straw! Most agitated and angry passengers, self included got down from the aircraft down to the tarmac. An hour of so later the politician's cavalcade made it to the Aircraft. The already annoyed passengers, self included, started raising slogans against the 'khaas aadmi' treatment extended to the politician. The bottomline emerged that we would not allow the flight to take off if the politician boarded it! The politicians security officers tried to mollify us by apologizing only to be politely told that while we respect the NSG, the same did not extend to the politician, who by the way refused to step down from his bullet proof car! After about fifteen minutes of verbal jujitsu with the passengers, the NSG went back to the car to ask the politician to come out and personally apologize to us passengers. The politician immediately did what politicians generally do when people ask questions, he drove away! Post a shrill 'hip hip hooray' and hearty laughter we reentered the aircraft and it took off without the politician! Yes! Never underestimate the power of a common Jet Airways Passenger!

You want to know who this politician in question is? I won't disappoint you! Look below!  

HARADANAHALLI DODDE GOWDA DEVE GOWDA!
Former Prime Minister of India.

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PS: I made a cardinal error during my free stay at Taj Mansingh. I ordered a packet of cigarettes. Puff went 25% my monthly paycheck!

Glossary :

Khaas Aadmi : VIP

Strike! Strike!!

"Bandh Karo!"

Certain days which I always looked forward to as a young student in Calcutta and then as I was just starting off in building a career was what is known as 'Bandh'. For those who came in late 'Bandh' is a strike conducted by any and random organization to protest against any and random issue that catches his/her fancy. This Hindi/Bengali word literally means 'close' and is a euphemism for bringing a city or a state to a 'close'. If you assume this is going to be an exercise in outraging about 'Bandhs' leading to economic loss, loss of mandays, loss of opportunity, how it keeps a daily wage earner hungry, loss of 'image' of the city/state/country then you are doing nothing more than betraying your ignorance! What I propose to do is to open your eyes to the benefits of bandhs.

Ma, Maati, Maanush, Michil, Mushkil!

Organizing a 'bandh' is not a child's play as you would imagine. There is a whole lot of science involved in the same. No! The reason to call a 'bandh' is not the toughest among them, in fact is the easiest. From protesting against petrol price hikes to price rise in general to saving 'secularism', our political landscape gives enough and more reason to protest. The difficult part is to select the day to go on a 'bandh'. Any random day will not work. You must first give advance notice to the people so as to enable them to 'spontaneously' support the bandh. To be doubly sure of peoples' support, you must organize 'michils' for a week before the actual bandh which should throw the life of the citizen topsy-turvy. This will ensure they are trained to be in the right frame of mind to support the noble cause. Secondly, you must schedule the bandh on a Friday or Monday so as to ensure you present a long weekend. This gives the people ample time to support the strike by leaving on a holiday! The other logistical nightmare is to ensure sufficient foot soldiers are on the ground on the day of the action to 'persuade' any shop/office/factory which in its ignorance decides to function on the D-Day. Usually a well placed slap to the owner of the establishment, a well directed rain of stones on the shop window makes them see the larger point of your noble fight against the 'American imperialism". The most crucial piece of planning  while organizing the bandh is to ensure the your friendly neighbourhood bootlegger is well stocked and is exempted from observing the strike. Nobody will work for you to make a bandh successful without his quota of 'hooch'. The other item to be ticked is to ensure the establishments under 'essential services' are well protected. No! Not hospitals, medical stores, ambulances but the 'chai shops', 'theks' 'paan-biri' kiosks. I would not support  no cause however noble if I am denied my peg-sheg, soota or an opportunity to socialize in an 'adda' over 'moodi-chop-cha'!   

If you get a feeling I am a fan of 'bandhs' then you are right. Every year during my stay in Calcutta it used to add a few days to the annual 'holiday' calender. A 'paid' holiday to boot! Once before the visit of the Boss from Head Office for what was likely to be a particularly messy meeting, we in the Calcutta branch office ganged up and persuaded him to cancel his visit. We invented a very very plausible reason for the cancellation of the visit, a 'proposed' bandh on the day of his arrival! And he swallowed the bluff without battling an eyelid! 

What Shivaji Park? G.T.Road it is!

Those of you who have been following my memoirs here know that I am a great fan of Cricket. And like all cricket enthusiasts in India, I too started with gully cricket. However my cricketing ambition was bigger, much bigger. I wanted to graduate into the big league. Not for me the suffocating 'gullies' of Calcutta. I wanted a much larger canvas to express myself. I wanted the wide spectrum of the National Highway! To bowl a few and bat a few more. Thanks to the 'bandhs', I realized my ambition. Many times over! On the Grand Trunk Road no less!

As I always say, my glass is half full. And many a times I dig deep into this dictum to make use of the positives that a bandh offers! However much some ill informed politicos like Shashi Tharoor and his small band of merry men may try and dissuade me with his #SayNoToHartal campaigns, I will continue to enjoy the fruits of 'bandhs'. Poor Shashiettan! How is he to know that me and most of us country men, we are like this only!

Say 'No' to 'No Hartal'

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PS: 'Bandhs' are banned in India as per a Kerala High Court ruling. However we smart Indians renamed the 'bandh' to 'hartal' and ever since it is business as usual. Now you know where Hafiz Saeed and LeT/JuD got their idea from!

Glossary:

Michil : Protest rallies

Hooch : Country liquor

Chai : Tea

Thek : Dens selling country liquor

Paan : Betel Leaves chewing of which is popular in the Indian subcontinent.

Biri : Filter less cigarettes.

Peg-Sheg : Colloquial for 'pegs'.

Soota : Puff of a cigarette.

Adda: An informal get-together.

Moodi-Chop_Cha : Moodi (Parched rice), Chop (Spicy fries similar to Bajji/Bonda), Cha (Bengalese for tea)

Shashiettan : Shashi (Name) Ettan ( Elder brother) 

Hartal : General strike 

Enemy Under My Roof!

1990 AD: The times were turbulent, the early 90’s. As a young man taking baby steps towards building a career in a city which Rajiv Gandhi once famously called the dying city. The life of a Salesman in a market which thanks to decades of imperialism of the Left Front was tough, very tough. As a youngster trying to transform my life hoping the Govt of the day in Calcutta or the one in Delhi would drive growth and opportunities, all I got was a potpourri of political turmoil caused by corrupt politicians, self seeking messiahs of the backward castes, people peddling Revolution of the Proletariat.  And jumping right into the cauldron were yet another set of ‘desh bhakts’ who insisted on ‘Mandir wahin banayenge’!

Mandir Wahin Banayenge!

I was then living in a locality which was physically divided right down the middle between the Hindu side and the Muslim side by the great G.T.Road.  It was easy for my young and impressionable mind which was reared on poor order-books and pressures in the business front and the sheer squalor and filth that one saw in the hugely populated ‘Muslim basti’ to volunteer and donate hundred bricks to an organization  collecting the same to build the grand temple for Ram in Ayodhya. The unchecked infiltrator from across the eastern border being the primary reason for all that was wrong with my life and the country.

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Drishti pariharam Taaveez

1998 AD: My daughter was a sickly child. Once she was born my donations to temples and other causes close to my heart dropped drastically as all the spare cash and some more were donated to the well being of the neighbourhood MBBS. As multiple visits to the Doctor and the variety of concoctions that he prescribed failed to give any permanent cure, I was at my wits end. That is when I was prescribed an age old treatment in practice in many villages of Tamil Nadu. The man who donated bricks to build temples in a disputed area walked into the nearby Masjid dutifully to conduct a ‘drishti pariharam’ on my baby! And walked out with a ‘taaveez’ tied around her midriff.

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2000 AD: He was a Muslim, a Malayalee, from Bombay. I was a Hindu, a Tamil, from Calcutta. And we met up as colleagues in Bangalore! Circumstances then threw us together and we ended up temporarily sharing the same house in Chennai. And as you would expect the scenario was one of immense dichotomy. A Hindu thrown together with the ‘enemy’ Muslim. Was it vice-versa too? I don't know, he never gave me any clues. A strict vegetarian sharing kitchen with a beef eater.  A teetotaler (he) breaking bread with someone who enjoyed the occasional drink (me). A Mallu and a Tamil under the same roof! Facts are stranger than fiction as they say. Thrown together in a city that was then friendless and unknown to both of us!  Circumstances threw us together and who could fight circumstances. The first thing that broke the ice between us was Marlboro! We were both smokers! And when not on work, we spoke the same language, Hindi! From then onwards, me waiting outside any random Mosque in Chennai till he finished his prayers or he being dragged to a pure vegetarian Iyer Mess took just about that much time. A new Sunday routine was also established. I buying him non-veg food and he buying me my weekly quota of beers. We shared our rooms for about six months or so till I shifted to a new house with my family. It was around the time of parting that I realized that the man who donated 100 bricks to build a temple to spite the ‘enemy’ was long dead! And the ‘enemy’ to date is one among my best ‘friends’!

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PS: Once while travelling together with him by train from Mangalore to Chennai, he would speak to other people in Malayalam and I in Tamil. A curious co-passenger was annoyed that we were however speaking to each other in Hindi. How was this person to know that while my friend spoke no Tamil, I spoke no Malayalam! Mera Bharat Mahaan!

Glossary:

Desh bhakts : Patriots

Mandir wahin banayenge : Will build the temple right at that spot

Basti : Locality

Masjid : Mosque

Drishti pariharam : Ward off evil eye

Taaveez : Amulet

Mera Bharat Mahaan : India is great

What ails INC!

The spate of election defeats in the recent and not so recent past both at state levels as well as Centre has reduced the once behemoth like Indian National Congress to the levels of also-rans in most of the political map of India. Suffices to say that there has to be something more than just anti incumbency at work here. For a party which much to everyone's surprise sent the NDA govt packing in '04 and then surprised everyone again by retaining power at the Centre in the past decade, it is indeed a sad commentary to be reduced to 44 seats in the Lok Sabha. All this boils down to one question, What ails Indian National Congress (INC)?

Obsolete like cyclostyling?

INC today faces some of its toughest days ahead. A brand which started off as a virtual monopoly at the time of independence, its current status where its very relevance is questioned is a story worth telling. It is not that INC has lost its relevance, it still enjoys a substantial voteshare pan India and its core values of development of all, including the last man is still a work in progress in this country. To give you an analogy, INC does not find itself where Cyclostyling Machines or Electronic Typewriters find themselves, obsolete due to the advancement of technology. What ails INC primarily is brand fatigue. An example of how some of the oldest brands have tackled fatigue is Uniliver and its brand Lux. Lux from time immemorial has been promoted as a beauty soap. Remember the famous tagline 'Filmy sitaron ka saundarya saabun'? Where Lux has been different is through constant churn of  'New faces' to endorse the brand it has positioned itself as a contemporary brand without losing its core values. INC needs to rejuvenate itself with programmes which will make it contemporary and find traction with new voters.

Youth, Icon or Youth Icon?

The other issue which INC seems to have missed sight of is what is called the 'Young India'. Given the demographics, India populace is nearest to what the Americans once called themselves, the Baby Boomers. Voters who are of the post libaralization era, aspirational, ambitious and in a tearing hurry. The INC from an unaffiliated voter's perspective appears to be steeped in the License-quota-Subsidy era while the voters have moved on. While a well targeted subsidy scheme still has an important place in Indian society steeped in inequality, the presentation of just this aspect without appearing to address the concerns of the youth of India has led to a disconnect with the largest growing segment among Indian Voters, the middle class. A possible way to crack this issue, one may look at Pepsi. Pepsi has positioned itself against a well entrenched Coke through what is known as 'Youth' platform. And has gone about recruiting brand ambassadors who the target consumers are attracted to. The difference is Pepsi has dropped stars like Sachin Tendulkar, Shah Rukh Khan and the likes to latch on to the next youth icon on the horizon, Dhoni to Kohli and Ranbir Kapoor. All this while, the fact remains Tendulkar and Khan are still some of the biggest draws in India, the only hitch, they are no longer 'youth'. INC needs to reiterate its commitment to all sections of the voters, young and middle class included by churning out programmes of their concern too in a language which is less of a sermon and more 'Happening'. And age of the leadership is a non issue. Remember Rahul Gandhi is lot younger than Narendra Modi and yet the voters endorsed the later overwhelmingly.

Who is the next Regional Manager?

Any marketer worth his pay check will tell you that a strong distribution is a key to acquire/gain/improve/retain marketshare. A robust team spread across the length and breadth of the market delivering superior services at the convenience of the customer makes successful brands. While a product may face competition from a 'me-too', a well oiled delivery mechanism helps reach more customers and create entry barriers for the 'me-too'. While start ups like Kavin Care innovate with products and packaging, the larger MNCs copy the same and go national in no time. Distribution to a political party is the organization at grassroot level, in electoral terms at booth level. When was the last time you heard of an INC win due to this strength. Today it is the BJP which is making more noise in its attempt to enroll new members while being in power in half of India and at the Centre! The other part of the market infrastructure is the regional/state level leadership. In markets where you lose ground, it is difficult to regain the market share without a Regional Manager/ Zonal Manager who can stem the rot, regroup the team, strategize and  push forward its agenda of becoming market leader again. It is not as difficult as it appears. Remember despite BJP retaining power in Gujrat three times spread over a decade, INC still enjoys a 40%+ voteshare in the state. One well thought out, well coordinated push and INC could be back in power in Gandhinagar. A 5% swing towards INC might end in a windfall for it in a two horse race.

No longer top of the mind!

The last thing INC would hope is for the ennui to set in deep. Remember Lacto Calamine? The once market leader in the skin care segment is now rarely visible on the shelves replaced as it is by newer enterants. While brands like Surf/Wheel took on the upstarts like Nirma to flower further, Lacto Calamine is no longer the top of the mind brand in its core segment. When INC doesn't fight back, regional/local parties occupy the space vacated by it. The old market dictum is that the No.1 and No.2 brands are in the reckoning for spoils and No.3 and others make up the numbers. It has happened to INC in many a state, could well happen in others!


Finally as yet another market dictum goes, marketshare doesn't  come easily. It calls for single minded approach like that of a rifle and patience of a vulture!

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 PS: The other way for INC to come back to relevance is by allowing BJP to commit enough mistakes and wait for the anti-establishment votes!

Glossary:

Filmy sitaron ka saundarya saabun : Beauty Soap of Filmstars!

Sing Baby Sing!

Whatever our differences, nothing unites India like Songs do. Whatever the region, language or religion, music plays an important; nay integral part in our lives. Right through one’s life, from birth and the three stages of it and finally death, Indians have a song for every stage of it. And more than one song for every occasion of one’s life.  From a “Happy budday ttoo you Sunita” on the day you are born to “O Jaanewaale ho sake to laut ke aana” enroute to your last rites! Be it a festival, be it a season, be it various times of a day, be it hard labour or labour of love, be it success or be it failure. In short any sphere of human activity and we are just one song away from it.

Indian Music encompasses virtually everything from the deepest oceans to the tallest mountains.  Whatever the genre, we are spoilt for choice.  From Carnatic to Hindusthani to even an Ilayaraja symphony. From Ghazals to Thumris to Khayals to Geet to Nazm to Qawwalis to what have yous! An honest confession here. I can hardly spell Carnatic or Hindusthani. As regards the others mentioned above and million others not mentioned I can make them out from one another with great difficulty or as in most cases not at all. Yet! And yet as I said earlier I am one song away from anything and everything, thanks to Indian Cinema!

Suffices if I say that Indian Cinema is not Indian Cinema without its songs! In its earliest avatar, Indian Cinema was essentially a series of songs strung together with a few dialogues which lead to more songs. No wonder Indian Cinemas’ earliest stars were people who were singer-actors. Once playback singing came about, the actors who made it large were the ones who could lip sync to perfection! I don’t think Rajendra Kumar would have made it big but for his ability to emote so successfully in Mohd. Rafi’s voice to quote just one instance. On second thoughts, Rajendra Kumar’s son Kumar Gauravs’ claim to fame was his ability to do his father in Amit Kumar’s voice!  Such are the impact and importance of songs in our films that a taut espionage thriller ‘Andha Naal’ starring the then superstar of Tamil Cinema Sivaji Ganesan, flopped at the box office because it featured no song and the audience felt cheated!

Where are the songs?

Given the fact that I am a self proclaimed music critic, I am now going to propound my views on this act and art. And since I have already hooked you beyond the cursory two paragraphs, you have no choice but to hear me out! Also given the fact that I am not too well versed with the grammar of music, its various traditions, its nuances, its finesse etc., I stay away from the routine classification of singers viz, Carnatic or Hindusthani or Pop or light music and I thus draw my own classification of singers. The first category of singers as far as I am concerned are people who spend years in mastering the universe of music, its every note, its every bar to ultimately receive the grace of Goddess Saraswati herself. The next category are people who are not trained in music but achieve stardom through sheer natural talent and genius. The third category are people whose only qualification as singers is that they claim to be one! But my most favourite category are what I call ‘Bathroom Singers’! People who have talent but no avenue or wherewithal to translate it into success due to either their inability to struggle, for want of a lucky break or simply the middle class mentality. And hence they end up plying their trade within the confines of their bathrooms or office parties/picnics or Kalyana Nelangu levels as a hobby. Without taking away anything from them, maybe they were born a few generations too early from the days of Super Singers, Indian Idols and Sa Re Ga Ma!

One genre of music which has always held in utter dread is what we Indian generically refer to as Western Music. I have never been worried if I can’t distinguish between Rock, Pop, Jazz, Country, Rap or what have yous. What has often worried me is my inability to distinguish whether it is a man or a women singing. On second thoughts it could well be a machine doing it! 

And to round off this discussion, I am not only a self proclaimed music critic I hereby declare that I am a singer too! So check this out!

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PS: Did you know that once Mohd Rafi sang playback for Kishore Kumar?  In the film Ragini!

Glossary:

Kalyana Nelangu: An family event in Tamil Weddings.

Dancing Peacocks and Danish Bar!

15.11.2014, 5.30 AM:

Ola Cabs messages saying the cab I booked has arrived before schedule and I can leave early should I wish. They also compliment me with an upgrade to a sedan. Good Morning indeed!

15.11.2014, 6 AM:

A spic and span Coimbatore Junction anbudan welcomes me! Even the tracks are bereft of you know what we find on railway tracks in most Indian station early in the morning! This I am told is not an exception or a photo-op for Swachch Bharat Abhiyan.  Sorry to disappoint you Modiji, this is the hygiene workers earning their honest bread. Bravo Coimbatore!

Swachch Coimbatore Abhiyaan!

15.11.2014, 7 AM:

Unlike the Coimbatore Junction, the Coimbatore-Mayiladhuthurai Jan Shatabdi express presents a poor picture. Run down coaches, wet washrooms and the stink. The coach I travel in doesn’t have a garbage bin to boot, the place allotted instead to stock the stale and tepid breakfast parcels. Note: Please carry breakfast from home or buy a parcel from Annapurna before boarding the train. And skip the watery liquid masquerading as coffee!

15.11.2014, 1 PM:

The train is late. A growling stomach forces you to detrain at Kumbakonam instead. A full fledged saappadu later, SETC ride to Mayiladuthurai is undertaken. A 50 odd KMs ride for just Rs.21.00. Well done! The bus could have however seen a doctor before plying I felt. The other highlight is a single lane state highway. Single lane yes but as with most roads in Tamil Nadu well maintained. A sort of Single lane- toll free- expressway!

Nagore 

(For those who came in late: The entire stretch of coastal Tamilnadu from Chennai through Pondycherry- Cuddalore- Chidambaram- Mayiladuthurai- Kumbakonam- Thanjavur to Trichirapalli is a veritable treasure trove of ancient temples and architectural wonders. A detour from the highway every few kilometers on either side takes you to further more equally ancient and equally wonderful temples. The standing quip is that it takes two lifetimes to visit all the places of religious importance in this region. And while at it how can one be far away from the very Idea of India. Among the various pilgrimage routes is the one from Mayiladuthurai to Thirukadaiyur, a holy town for Hindus, to Nagore, the city of the famous Dargah built over the tomb of the Sufi Saint Hazrath Nagore Shahul Hamid. Also the birthplace of Singer Hanifa who sang Islamic devotional songs in Tamil, and right down to Velankanni, the city of the holy Catholic Church dedicated to Our Lady Of Good Health.  Yes! This is India! Despite the efforts of fundamentalist of various hues, we are like this only!)

Thirukadaiyur

Velankanni

16.11.2014, 9 AM:

One of the most expensive taxi rides takes me to Tranquebar! Not a bar literally but a Danish name for the lyrical Tamil name Tharangampadi! The site of the Danish landing and trading centre in India in early 17th century post an agreement between the Danes and the Maratha King Raghunatha Nayak, of Thanjavur. The highlight of Tranquebar is the majestic Danish Fort built right on the beach adjacent to the Masilamaninathar Temple. A part of the fort is now converted into an Indo-Danish Museum. I will stop the narrative and let the pictures speak instead.  

Danish Fort, Tharagampadi Aka Tranquebar!

16.11.2014, 1 PM:

Among the heart breaking sights is the so called renovation/restoration being done by the Archeological survey of Tamil Nadu and the Archeological Survey of India to the Masilamaninathar shore temple. I don’t know whom to credit this disaster but once again let the picture speak for themselves!

Yeppadi Irundha Naan..............

Ippadi ayittaen!!!!

16.11.2014, 8PM:

Why do all European town be it French, Portugese or Danish exude the same look? This could well be a street in Panjim, Pondicherry or Tranquebar!

Panjim, Pondicherry or..............!

16.11.2014, 10 PM:

Onwards Ho to Coimbatore with Rathi and Meena for company!

Rathi and Meena!

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PS: Mayiladuthurai literally means Land of dancing peacocks! How is that for poetry in a name! Thanks @ndranandraj!

Glossary:

Anbudan: With love
Swachch Bharat Abhiyan : Clean India Campaign
Sappadu: Tamil Nadu Full Meals.
Yeppadi Irundha naan, ippadi ayittaen : How I was and what I have become!