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Friday, 23 May 2014

Dear Arvind Kejriwal!

Dear Arvind Bhaiji,

Hope your erstwhile colleague Ms.Kiran Bedi was wrong about not visiting Tihar Jail during summer.
Hope the other celebrated inmates of Tihar Jail, the mosquitoes are allowing you to peacefully do a Yogendra Yadav.
And unlike your erstwhile mentor Anna Hazare, I hope you are tucking into the famed Tihar Jail cuisine with both hands. And while doing so I hope you don’t bite the hand that feeds you like you did it to the media.

Hope you are able to do a Yogendra Yadav in Tihar!

Now that we have done away with the most important, let me turn to the trivial. Candid confessions first , Arvind Bhaiji. You are a hero! Your contribution to this country is immense. And I hope you will continue your fight, hum tumhare saath haiN! From the time you resuscitated the long forgotten piece of cotton that added oodles of credibility to ones grooming standards, the ubiquitous Gandhi Topi, I have been sold to your abilities. What no amount of “Vishesh Gandhi Jayanti discount upto 50%” or the “Sirappu Aadi ainthulirundhu  aimbadhu sadavidam varai thallubadi” could not, you were able to do from the hallowed turf of Ramlila Maidan, rejuvenate the Gandhi Topi! A cursory glance into history book reveals that the last man to do so successfully was Ben Kingsley! Now add a muffler to the ensemble and you have just revived the Khadi Industry in one swift stroke just like the Queen of England does to her country’s fashion scene every year! And in keeping with the tone, you have made the Muffler ethnic chic!

Fashionista arrives!

One of your greatest contributions to India’s Ambani and Adani controlled Democracy is you have made politics mainstream. Ordinary folks who would not be seen anywhere near the cesspool are now suddenly dirtying their hands in trying to clean the muck. You deserve all the accolades coming your way for this. I don’t think Ashutosh would have chucked a well heeled job with a leading media house but for your motivational skills. Just imagine a long drawn out election campaign without him. From a member of the free media you managed to lure him sufficiently enough to cross the fence and call the same folks paid media! That he has now replaced Shahid Kapoor as the typo king on Twitter is but just a collateral benefit!

You have also set such a high standards of transparency! Allegations of your party’s source of funding were so deftly handled with a straight bat. I am sure the Election Commission would have had no trouble auditing your poll expenses. If I am right your total funding equals the total deposit lost by your candidates, your contribution to India’s floundering economy. I am also told that a lot of fellow volunteers from around the globe contributed to the party kitty too. A great blow for India’s growing forex reserves!

Great blow for India's Forex!

I also loved the way you have handled the charges of you running away from responsibilities. The critics obviously referring to your short lived 49 day Government of Delhi. The critics as usual have missed to see through your brilliant strategy viz. always look at the big picture. What is the point of restricting oneself to ruling just Delhi when you can rule from Delhi! The poor proletariat of the country like our critics too failed to understand this strategy and misled by the communal He-Man and the Secular Toffee Man didn’t vote for you. But turning defeat into victory is your old habit. They think they conquered you? NO! In a swift and deft stroke you washed away the criticism of running away from responsibility by promptly meeting the Lieutenant Governor of Delhi to reclaim your Government post Verdict 2014. But for the unholy alliance of the He Man and Toffee Man again, you would have vanquished the critics for once and for all!

Once you are released from Tihar by next week, month, year or two later, I pray you shift your gaze South of Vindhyas and to Tamil Nadu. It was one the most disappointing features of the just concluded General Elections that you did not embark on a Tamizhnadu vijayam. I am sure we Tamils would have welcomed you with open arms. After all we are world famous for giving everyone a AAPpu!


PS: Those who don’t like ‘AAPpu’ can replace it with ‘Bulbu’!

Hum Tumhare Saath Hain:  We are with you.
Vishesh : Special
Topi: Cap
Sirappu………thallubadi: Special End of season discount
Tamil Nadu Vijayam: Conquering Tamil Nadu.

AAPpu/Bulbu: Colloquial slang for showing the door. The Bengali equivalent of this is ‘Baans deva’! Followers of Cricket can understand this better if I say Virat Kohli’s famous finger!

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