I Looove Road Trips!

Vajpayee Highways!

My enthusiasm for road trips started only after what I consider is one of the best infrastructure projects in India, the Golden Quadrilateral popularly known as ‘The Vajpayee Highways’ came into being. Driving on these are a pleasure and a peace and a primary reason for the title of this note! I agree the toll rates are steep but then I am a firm believer in the dictum that there are no free meals. I would happily pay if I get world class service. It would have been apt had Tobay Maguire mouthed “With great roads come greater toll tax!”

No free meals!

The primary advantage of Road Trips is the sheer convenience it offers by way of the start time- halt time- end time. Well known is the fact that it saves you the bother of depending on flight and train schedules. You can start the trip from Coimbatore to time your breakfast at Adayar Anandha Bhavan just off Salem and your lunch at home in Bangalore with a tea/smoke break thrown in at Krishnagiri. I am sure you can plan a similar Start-Pit stop-Chequered Flag routine from whichever city you start and propose to end.

Pit Stop at A2B Krishnagiri

Road trips often save you from absurdities too. As someone who often finishes his day in Electronic City, Bangalore and have to go to back to Chennai I find it faster to reach Meenambakkam Airport in Chennai by road than reaching Bangalore International Airport, Devanahalli to catch a flight to Chennai!

Road Trips are cheaper too. For example ticket prices for a family of 4 by 2^nd AC from Coimbatore to Bangalore or by flight are likely to be in the vicinity of Rs.2500.00 to Rs.15000.00 respectively. Add to it the taxi fares for Airport/Station pick-up and drops! The same by car including the toll on the way is likely to cost around Rs.3000.00 in a self driven car. Cheaper if your vehicle is fuelled by CNG or Diesel!

Move over Buddh International and F1!

Here is another. Going to Mysore from Coimbatore? Would you prefer to drive down via Satyamangalam directly to Mysore? Or would you prefer a drive to Coimbatore Airport- Flight to Bangalore-Drive to Mysore? The former would take you about 6 hours and the latter almost the same depending of the flight schedules and at possibly 5 times the cost! Now Tell!!!

Then again you can save money by not checking in to a hotel or check in late depending on when your work is completed. I mean start early from Bangalore, hit to work in Chennai straight, if finished on time, return back the same evening/night. If not check in into a hotel late and save on tariffs. And most importantly save yourselves from being under the mercy of the Chennai Autowallahs! Clincher!

Road trips are supposedly not very women friendly especially with reference to ‘PissStop’ is the oft quoted criticism. My own experience while on road trips with family is quite to the contrary. Most highway hotels and eateries nowadays have toilet facilities. In fact for some of these places the presence of toilets is the primary USP and the food subsequent! On most trips we have never been more than 15-20 minutes away from a convenient place for the womenfolk to relieve themselves. And if the womenfolk reading this are blessed with bladders which cannot hold on for even 15-20 minutes then sorry to say they shouldn’t go on any trip let alone road trips. Except maybe the trip from their drawing room to the washroom!

--------------------------------------------------------------------- 

PS: While most of what is have written above is universally applicable, the part referring to loo breaks for women is based entirely on our experience during road trips in South India, especially Tamilnadu and Karnataka! "Jahan Soch wahan Shauchalay" is still some distance away in many other states I am told!

Only Soch, Where Shauchalay?

Hope @Suman_Kher likes my rejoinder. Thanks @LifstyleProBlog  @seemagoswami @bkapilan

History!

(Statutory Warning: History wasn't made in a day. Neither can it be written in 400 words. Indulge me!)

Part I

My hands shook. A shiver ran down my spine as I signed the documents without the usual flourish. The deed was done and the company was now my baby. As I shook hands with it erstwhile 'owners' I suddenly remembered Tobay Maguire mouthing "With great power comes great responsibility"! A smile escaped me as I recollected the difficult hand that fate had dealt me, "No power, only great responsibilities"!

My father had started the company a few decades ago. Despite the cliche, it was a story of rags-to-riches. A poverty stricken school dropout who pushed ice candy vehicle to make both ends meet, through hard work, determination and a dose of luck ended up creating one of the largest and well respected ice cream companies in the region. As often is with the mollycoddled children of self made men, I had no enthusiasm to assist him in the business or succeeding him on the same. Despite his objections, I packed locks, stocks and barrels to peruse my heart around the globe promising never to return. As often is with self made men who have achieved whatever they wanted to and retire to sedate life, my father leased out the company to a prominent businessman in the city and entered into a virtual sanyasam.

Nothing enthused me to look back in life or the home I had left behind and nothing could. Or so I thought. Till one day I was summoned back by my frantic cousin upon the unfortunate murder of my recluse father. Even the bohemian in me could not stop me from returning home. A son after all has to perform his father's kriya-karam. At least that's what the religion said so. However what prompted my journey back home more was the intrigue behind the murder of someone who had no enemies; nay couldn't have any enemies. Not my father! As I boarded the flight the only thoughts I had was to lay my father to eternal rest and to get to the bottom of the mystery and bring the culprits to justice.

The first part was easily done albeit among tears that I thought I was incapable of shedding. The second part was however a nightmare. Like a thriller novel or a Bollywood potboiler, the more I learnt about the murder the less I knew about the truth. From corrupt policemen to professional mercenaries. Greed, double-cross, threats, money power, muscle power, political interference. I encountered everything.

The lessees had double crossed my father. The lease of the Ice Cream factory was nothing but an excuse to usurp the prime factory land for profiteering by diversifying into real estate. The existing and thriving business was first drained of its equity. Product quality was sacrificed. Productions was gradually reduced. Payments to suppliers of raw material were delayed leading many to go bankrupt. Customer complaints fell to deaf ears. Even as the once robust business was being bled to death, its workers reduced to penury, the lessors kick started the plans to develop the factory compound into a township. Excellent public relation skills backed with greasing of the palms that mattered ensured them the bragging rights of being knights in shining armour! Till they came face to face with the hitch, my father. He was still the owner of the company! Nothing could progress on the diversification front without his consent. When requests, allurements and threats proved futile, a plan was hatched to murder him and do business instead with his bohemian son, me!

While nothing could finally be pinned on any of the perpetrators or their sponsors, a long and messy legal skirmish later, I rightfully got back the ownership of the company, with its dwindling assets and mounting liabilities, further compounded by the terms of settlement with the lessors to vacate.

Part II

The only overriding theme of the next few month is best summarized in two words: NO MONEY! No money to pay the suppliers, no money to pay the workers, no money to modernize the factory, no money to produce, no money to revamp the brand, no money to win back the customers, no money to fight the competition! Impatient suppliers threatening to sell the company's assets to recover their dues, immature albeit impoverished workers threatening to go on strike for their rights, carpetbaggers hovering around in the vicinity to profit from misery and destructively selfish competition indulging in below the belt warfare to expand their new found turf. As the situation threatened to turn turtle, my cousin dived headlong into the cesspool to bail me out, to assist me, to save me. My Cousin! My partner, my brother-in-arms, my saviour! As I got down to first rescue and then resuscitate the factory, the product, the production, the building blocks of the business, He managed the warring workers, the greedy suppliers and the nasty competition. Together we set about to bring back the company to its pristine glory. Together we invested every minute of our time, every unit of energy and every penny we had as mortgage to raise capital from banks as well as shylocks.

Gradually the wheels started turning. A new plant replaced the earlier ruins. Fancy variants were dumped and the core products which acted as food supplements given a fillip. Impromptu tactics were dumped for long term organized growth. Innate suppliers were given the confidence to invest in the company not for immediate profits but for life long gain. The need for mutual cooperation for immediate survival and a promise of future prosperity rallied the workers around. Responsible and meritorious candidates were identified, promoted and the market was approached with a single minded determination to win back the customers, consumers and market share. However just when things seemed to have turned for the better tragedy struck. My partner, my brother, my right hand died!

If there was a time to cry, this was not that time. Not beyond the two tears shed in private. The world couldn't be allowed to see me in distress, shouldn't be. Not when the dark clouds were still surrounding us. Confidence should not be allowed to deflate. Confidence of the workers, the investors, the customers, the stake holders! I buried my anguish and dived headlong again into troubled waters. I now had to complete the journey that we had started together. Alone! And I must reach the destination. For me and for him, for us!! I tried to double up for him too. I sincerely tried. I was successful sometimes and not so on others. But I kept trying, kept plugging.

As years rolled by things gradually started to improve for the company. Gone were the initial years of self doubts, the fear of failure, the clouds of total disintegration and  demise. Replaced as it was with a confidence of a survivor graduating to that of a winner. Reinforced was the sense of belonging, of ownership. Belts were tightened for the long haul. Temporary setbacks taken into strides and every success cherished and celebrated. New milestones replacing the ones achieved earlier. Though the company still has miles to go, as I bid good bye to this world, I go in peace. I know I have laid the foundation for the generations to follow. To build an impregnable company which will bring prosperity, security and happiness to everyone associated with it. Despite warts and glitches that we will continue to come across, the fundamental values of the company are in safe hands, its stake holders!


Part III

Long years ago we made the tryst with destiny and now the time comes when we will redeem our pledge........... At the stroke of midnight while the world sleep, India will awake to life and freedom!...... My hands shook. A shiver ran down my spine as I signed the documents without the usual flourish. The deed was done and the company was now my baby......

Indian nationalism is the nationalism of an idea of an ever-ever land, emerging from an ancient civilization, shaped by a shared history by pluralistic democracy....... My father had started the company a few decades ago.....

In 1612, James I instructed Sir Thomas Roe to visit Mughal Emperor Jahangir to arrange a commercial treaty that would give the company exclusive rights......The mission was highly successful.......... my father leased out the company to a prominent businessman in the city.......

The Battle of Plassey was a decisive victory of the British East India Company on 23, June, 1757. The Battle established the Company rule in Bengal which expanded over much of India..........The lessees had double crossed my father. The lease of the Ice Cream factory was nothing but an excuse to usurp the prime factory land for profiteering by diversifying into real estate.......


thriving business was first drained of its equity

The Indian Independence Act 1947 received Royal assent on 18 July, 1947 India came into being on 15 August..... a long and messy legal skirmish later, I rightfully got back the ownership of the company.....

The Partition of India led to the creation of Pakistan.......further compounded by the terms of settlement with the lessors to vacate......

On 22 October 1947, Muslim tribal militias and irregular Pakistani forces crossed the border of the state.........carpetbaggers hovering around in the vicinity to profit from misery and destructively selfish competition indulging in below the belt warfare to expand their new found turf.........

Sardar Patel will be remembered as a great captain of our forces as a tower of strength which revived wavering hearts.......And just when things seemed to have turned for the better tragedy struck. My partner, my brother, my right hand died.......

WE, THE PEOPLE OF INDIA, having solemnly resolved to constitute India into a SOVEREIGN SOCIALIST SECULAR DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC. IN OUR CONSTITUENT ASSEMBLY this twenty-sixth day of November, 1949, do HEREBY ADOPT, ENACT AND GIVE TO OURSELVES THIS CONSTITUTION...... I buried my anguish and dived again headlong into troubled waters. I now had to complete the journey that we had started together. Alone! And I must reach the destination. For me and for him, for us........

Since 1947, the Indian economy has been premised on the concept of planning. This has been carried through the Five-Year Plans, developed, executed, and monitored by the Planning Commission.....  Impromptu tactics were dumped for long term organized growth........

      A new plant replaced the earlier ruins!

meritorious candidates were identified!

He spoke to the doctors who attended on him for a brief while and almost immediately Nehru collapsed. He remained unconscious until he passed away. His death was announced to Lok Sabha at 14:00 local time on 27 May 1964......Though the company still has miles to go, as I bid good bye to this world, I go in peace. I know I have laid the foundation for the generations to follow........

----------------------------------------------------------------------
PS:Those were extraordinary times! They were extraordinary men. Extraordinary yes, but men nonetheless!

Glossary:
Sanyasam : Renunciation
Kriya-karam : Last rites.

God's own country?

Yet another road trip to Kerala. And yet again surprised to see the speed with which the Palakkad-Thrissur highway is being completed. And yet again disappointed with the Coimbatore-Palakkad stretch where the work is at a standstill. Suffices to say that while the Walayar-Thrissur stretch (barring a few measly kilometers) is ready enough for the Toll Booths to be under trials, the TN portion is possibly awaiting the post release attention of Amma! Yet again Kerala 1, Tamilnadu 0!

-----------------

While it engulfs most of the country can Kerala remain untouched by it? The overstretched Aluva-Kochi highway, thanks to the Kochi Metro Rail under construction, presents a double whammy with what I think is the most successful Mall in India, Lulu Mall. The overcrowded choc-a-bloc Mall on a weekday afternoon suggests not so Achche Din for the friendly neighbourhood mom-n-pop stores!

------------------

At Rs.500.00 for 12 hours, Kochi must be the city with the cheapest Driver-On-Hire rates!

------------------

The Business Hotel I check into in Kochi doesn't subscribe for the channels broadcasting the IPL. The Adidas stores here don't sell RCB jerseys nor do the Reebok stores the CSK ones. God's own football country?

------------------

Hunt for Puttu Kadala Curry!

 My adventures in Kochi included a hunt for puttu-kadala curry breakfast. Most restaurants either don't serve them at all or they make sooooo little quantities leading to stockout before the breakfast hour. No takers for what is the traditional breakfast says the F&B Manager of a leading restaurant on the tony M G Road, Ernakulam. Finally it takes a 'thattukkada' run by Tamils from Tirunelveli, on one of the bye lanes to dish out this divine delicacy!

-------------------

Heritage experience @ budget prices!

Next time you are in Thrissur for a stay, check out the Guruprasad Heritage Hotel just off the Swaraj Round. Tastefully done facade and equally ethnic decor of the rooms give you the feeling of living in one of those not so opulent but yet dripping with history palaces of the Kerala Kings. And they subscribe to channels broadcasting IPL too! However be ready to pay cash only. "We have opened this hotel 'just' a few month ago and are yet to sign up with credit card companies informs the front office manager. And he was serious!

-------------------

Pooram Festival @ Vadakkumnathan Temple!

A few hundred meters away from the hotel is the ancient and majestic Vadakkumnathan Temple. The same temple, famous world over and not so famous all over India, for the Thrissur Pooram. (For those who came in late, famous world over enough to prompt an uninformed/part informed Pamela Andersson to tweet accusing the temple authorities of causing torture to elephants. Welcome!) The annual festival of the temple renowned for the Chenda Melam/Chenda Vadhyam and the herds of majestic elephants decorated with the wondrous Sriveli! My visit a week post the Pooram celebrations this year suggests that the event was an extremely successful one and the 'Swachch Bharat Abhiyan' is yet to take roots in Thirussur!

Chenda Melam/Vadhyam

-------------------

Post clearing up my work for the day by early evening, I decide to take a leisurely walk across to the Temple. And I witness a series of small gatherings in the park that circles the temple. Curiosity makes me take a look. And I see sets of people playing and the circle of crowd making up the spectators. What IPL, even football has severe competition coming its way from people playing rummy under the early evening sky! 

--------------------

Queue outside Bevco!

Darshan of the God done, a tremendous downpour stops me from walking back to my hotel. After waiting it out for close to an hour and with the rain showing no signs of easing, I decide to hire an auto for the 500 odd meters distance. Autorickshaw after autorickshaw refused the ride. Even an offer to pay "whatever money you want" doesn't enthuse one person to accept. Finally I decide to risk catching a cold and decide to walk the distance. A few meters done, I notice a queue of autorickshaws sans the drivers lined up. Closer scrutiny shows the drivers are all lined up at the counter of the friendly neighbourhood BEVCO outlet!

---------------------

For a state which heavily depends for revenues from tourism (repatriation of petro $ from 'Gelf' apart), striking is the quality or the lack of service. Exceptions of the expensive variety apart Kerala has given 'Athithi Devo Bhava' a miss too! For a state where just getting out of your room/house takes you to a veritable picnic spot, if only its people delivered a service which its tourism development promos promised............sigh!

---------------------

And speaking of service, one set of people in Kerala who give you the best-in-the-world variety of it are the lottery ticket vendors. They are everywhere, everytime, anytime. At your throats. Delivering service even when you don't need it!!!

----------------------

Move over FritoLays!

One Kerala specialty which has now been usurped and improved upon is the 'Nendranga Chips'. By the people of Coimbatore no less! Kerala 0, TN 1!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

PS: Unlike Kerala and indeed rest of India, the autowallahs of Tamilnadu never refuse a ride. They just quote their price which gives you the pleasure of saying no instead!

Glossary:

Amma : Nickname of the Chief Minister of Tamilnadu
Achche Din : 'Good Days'. A popular electoral slogan of the incumbent Govt of India
puttu-kadala : Traditional breakfast of Kerala of steamed rice cakes and Horse gram gravy
thattukkada: Roadside eatery
Swachch Bharat Abhiyan: Clean India Campaign
Autorickshaw: Three wheeled 'for hire' public transport
BEVCO : Govt of Kerala enterprise who is a monopoly retailer of liquor
Gelf : Malayalese for 'Gulf'
Athithi Devo Bhava : A Guest is God
Nendranga: A popular local variety of banana.
Sriveli : Decorations on and atop the temple elephants

Money Ratnam!

The year was Circa 2000 AD, what was branded as the Millennium Year. As the new financial year was about to kick in, a time when we salesman types gather to commit to what is known as the 'Budget Meeting/Conference'  Given the fact that the year gone by was fairly successful one for the organization that we worked for the Auditorium in the Corporate Office was ditched and the jamboree was organized at a very well known holiday resort in Ooty. The resort then was a pioneer in the concept of Time-Share properties and was very 'upmarket'. The team gave a massive thumbs up to the management for treating us as something more than just sales data! The resort lived up to the hype. Far removed from the civilization of any type bang in the middle of the majestic Nilgiris range. PEACEFUL!. The rooms were neatly made up exuding comfort and warmth, very welcome in the cold climes. The gardens and landscape giving us paindoo types the feeling of being in ShangriLa! If there is Jannat on earth, it is here, it is here was the unanimous verdict.

Post settling down, the mandatory order for chai-n-pakoras was placed with the room service. And reality check started. Apparently the entire resort was manned by only 5-6 people to serve all the guests! Suffices to say the chai came so late that we assumed it was freshly plucked, processed and brewed exclusively for us. The pakoras we thought were being imported from Coimbatore a measly 60 odd KMs away! I also created a new record by buying packet of cigarettes for a princely  sum of Rs.250.00 while the going price for the same on the rest of the planet was a measly Rs.40.00!

We took the 'service' bravely, as bravely as maybe facing the West Indian fast bowlers on the Barbados pitch. And got on to the 'business' part of the visit. Post the initial 'hip-'hip-hurrahs' it was yours truly's responsibility to make my presentation. Barely was I past the 'Hi! Mates' when the over head projector started behaving as though it were hit by a cyclone. Once the staff were done with the Research & Development, it was decided that I was good enough to continue with the job on hand so what if the audience couldn't see my skills at Power Point. All of us have seen enough and more of these all our lives anyway! I resumed bravely with just audio to support me in my endeavor when the power failed. And the diesel for the generator was still sitting snugly in the gas station 20 kms away. The audience was temporarily denied of their entertainment and  lunch was hastily called. Lunch took a few hours coming and we all boarded the bus, conference aborted midway and resumed a day later at the auditorium at the Corporate office!

Not OK!

I had the same feeling as narrated above as I walked out of the cinema after watching O Kadhal Kanmani (OKK), the latest offering from Mani Ratnam. In business one is often quoted the dictum "Over promise, under deliver". Essentially a situation where you raise the expectations of a consumer for your product or service and then disappoint them with delivering below that benchmark. All the fluff, the window dressing, smart marketing and aggressive sales pitch, attractive offers is of zilch value when breakfast arrives at a time when you are preparing for your evening tea break!

Where are the Nayagan Days?

(For those who came in late, I am no expert on the cinema business, I am not even a Mani Ratnam regular. But I am what I am, a irregular film goer at best but a consumer. I spend my hard earned money and time to watch a film. And hence everything I say goes, for me. You may agree to disagree! Welcome) I have seen Mani Ratnam deliver classy and commercially successful films. Roja on the burning issue of terrorism in Kashmir which Bollywood had not even thought of  attempting then. I also liked Bombay which dealt with the communal couldron of those times. I liked Anjali where Ratnam showed us the trauma of a family with a mentally challenged child and showed us, the society the mirror. And then there was Nayagan, a biopic of giant proportion if there was one. I concede, Ratnam often compromised on certain elements due to commercial reasons, valid in a box office led business like any other. But he was bold, his stories relevant and timely, his scripts breaking new ground despite the compromises, introduced world class technicians and did Tamil cinema; nay Indian cinema proud. And then he made OKK! I might have peacefully sat through the film, maybe even enjoyed it if it were from a newbie filmaker. On the flip side I might not have even gone to watch it had it not been for brand Mani Ratnam. What OKK delivered was a fairly competent work from the actors on screen (Dulquer Salman and Nitya Menen are quite charming as the protagonists), brilliant cinematography by P C Sreeram, decently hummable tunes by A R Rahman. While his team delivered, Mani Ratnam disappoints. I would rather watch the rerun of his breezy Alaipayuthe made a decade+ ago! OKK! Brand Mani Ratnam over promises, under delivers! The film is supposedly delivering golden eggs at the box office.

 Money Ratnam indeed!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

PS: Nothing is heavier than the weight of expectations - Old Jungle Saying

Glossary:
Paindoo : Derogatory terms used to describe the 'villager' types.
Jannat : Heaven

chai-n-pakoras  : Tea & Tidbits

Why am I Secular?

I am an Indian first. As the Constitution of this country assures me we are a Secular country. And as a believer in this holy book, I am Secular. Not just because the constitution insists I should be but by choice. And as you have rightly guessed, I am very perturbed by the recent attacks on the secular fabric of this country by the Govt of the day. To quote just two of the recent attacks on this founding pillar of the Idea of India is the celebration of ‘Good Governance Day’ on 25^th December and Eminent Jurists of the country being asked to have conferences on the extended weekend  that is Good Friday-Easter. Blasphemy! I object; nay I condemn these moves. How can this be permitted? It goes against the very grain of Indianness! How can anyone ask me or anyone to work during holy(i)days?? If you disagree with me, please look at the list attached below.

Bura na mano Holiday!

These are the designated list of Holidays for Central Govt employees approximately 25 odd days of  a year. Add to this the weekends ki chutti of 100+ days. Not to forget Casual leave, Sick Leave and leave for other ‘emergency’.  And to imagine someone wants us to work on holidays!

Apart from being a massive proponent of Secularism, I am also a big supporter of the other pillar that founds the Idea of India, Pluralism. Apart from the ‘National’ Holidays, I am also a strong supporter of ‘Regional’ Holidays. Glance at the list attached of the holidays in Tamil Nadu. This list of course is not universal and subject to vary from state to state. I am sure you get the drift!

Idea of India!

However if you are a fence sitter here is my last salvo. Apart from these list there are other ‘occasions’ which demand declaration of Holidays like elections to the municipal corporations, state assembly, Parliament, umpteen by elections etc. Should you be a resident of Bengal or Kerala, it is well within your right to demand 4-5 days of ‘Bandh’ or ‘Strike’.

So don’t dare anyone tamper with my secularism or pluralism. However should the ruling dispensation insist on converting India into a “Hindu Rashtra” the only way they can get me to support the idea is by declaring a holiday dedicated to every god and goddess! For those who came in late there are 'only' 330000000 Gods and Goddesses in the Hindu Pantheon!

When is merawala holiday?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

PS: If you wonder how will we make both ends meet in the Hindu Rashtra,well for starters I suggest the Govt convert my share of the black money which is going to be brought back into a special high yielding fixed deposit and transfer as EMIs into my Jan Dhan Bank Account! Achche Din are here after all!

Glossary:

Bura na mano Holiday : Don't mind it is a holiday!

Chutti : Holiday

Hindu Rashtra : Hindu Nation

Achche Din : Good Days!

Ooo Lala!

When I look back on my career as a gully cricketer eons ago, there are two players who have gone on to play the game in its highest form whom I identify with. I have already written about the Malang Man earlier. I now write about the other legend who has done our breed proud, Shahid Afridi aka Boom Boom alias Lala!

Boom Boom!

One of the fundamental rules in gully cricket as I have mentioned earlier too is there are no rules. Afridi is the most accomplished practitioner of this dictum as none before him could and I presume none after him can. ‘See ball will hit’ would possibly be the most apt description of him. It doesn’t matter if he is opening the batting, playing in the middle or bringing up the tail. So too irrespective of whether the team is in strong position or needs to rebuild. And not to forget the so called cognoscenti who distinguish between Tests, ODI or T20. Shahid Bhai’s gaadi has only one gear, fifth! In gully cricket parlance we see no distinction between formats, status of the inning or the competence of the other batsman. We just go out with only a Ghuen Tak or a Chak De Phatte on mind when we bat. And none does it better than Lala! Mera Lala sabse ala!

Start! 5th Gear! Vrooom!

Maaro!

Once I got out of childhood and joined the rat race, there was immense pressure on me to improve. Get the right increment here, eye that promotion there. And in trying to do it, I was forced to learn more things, read, experiment, fine tune, improve. Essentially Think! How I wish I were Shahid Afridi! Not for our hero the complications of thinking! Not for him the required run rates, the condition of the pitch, the strength of the opposition, need to build partnership. Gosh! Thinking? Thinking is almost like doing engineering! Thinking is such a waste of time when you can ‘hit-out-or-get-out’! And who cares about critics who expect you to graduate and grow as a player! Who in their ignorance write reams of paper lecturing about technique, reading the game or playing high percentage shots! Chill man! It is a sport! Maaro! I am sure we the fans know better. I mean those huge 6s, those agricultural shots which puts the bowler and the fielders under your mercy. And fast. So what if you succeed only once every Eid and once more on Diwali. Adrenalin is everything. As is a dash of romance! While I am no longer the child I was, Shahid Bhai has remained the child that he was and the child I wanted to. 

I am Back!!

The most inspiring thing about Afridi is what I always wanted to do but was hugely scared of even attempting. One of the fundamental techniques to grow within an organization is blackmail. A subtle statement when the boss is within hearing distance about an offer from the competition or a resignation before the peak selling season invariably got you that much delayed promotion or increment. My fear was what if the boss got the message wrong and sacked me first or god forbid accepted my resignation? No such fear for our hero. Retire, retire again, retire once more, retire from tests, retire from ODI! Not for him the fear of the bosses. Every retirement only increased the clamour for a comeback! Each as spectacular in expectation as the next!

The exit of Pakistan from the ongoing World Cup brings us to yet another retirement of Shahid Khan Afridi. Au Revoir Lala! See you back sooner rather than later!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

PS: Before Shahid Afridi was rightly bestowed with the nickname, Boom Boom was associated with Boris Becker. Still is I am told, in ninety percent of the world which doesn’t play our beautiful game!   

Glossary :

Gaadi : Vehicle

Ghuen Tak : Hit It!

Chak De Phatte : Euphemism for Go for it!

Mera Lala Sabse Ala : My Lala is the best!

Maaro : Hit!

Bhai : Brother

Delhi Deconstructed

BJP

From time immemorial the detergent powder market in India meant Surf, Surf and virtually nobody else. This giant of a brand from Unilever then called Hindusthan Lever was a virtual monopoly in the branded detergent  powder segment to the extent it became generic. Old timers among us would remember that even me-toos and wanna-bes could not break away from the Surf mould let alone compete. Even the colour of the detergent was generic, a pale blue 'Surf" colour. A cushy HLL laughing all the way to the bank in a bubble of its own. All this till the late '80s. And then the inevitable happened. A small town entrepreneur named Karsan Bhai Patel launched his homegrown concoction of a detergent powder with an atrocious packaging named after his daughter. And yellow in colour! Nirma! Backed by a promise of 'doodh si safedi' and a catchy jingle and priced at 1/4th of the Surf, Nirma gobbled Surf's marketshare and went on to become a leader in many a market and big enough to threaten Surf's leadership position. Old timers among us would remember the irony when consumers asked for ' Nirmawala Surf dena!' Replace Surf with BJP and Nirma with AAP and you would possibly understand the voters verdict in the just concluded elections for the Delhi Assembly. Overconfidence almost bordering on arrogance against a fleet footed start up which refused to play by the existing market rules torpedoed the well entrenched leader. BJP's last minutes tactics of bringing in new faces, lewd and negative campaign almost mirrored HLL's tactics of reducing prices, launching a mega negative campaign (Whiteness or burnt hands) etc and which like BJP's campaign failed to find traction with the consumers. Well done Nirma, well done AAP!

Arrogant Market leaders, Beware!

Will Wheel apply the brakes?

It is rumored that there exists a secret book in the Unilever Headquarters in Rotterdam, Netherlands which is an encyclopedia of every marketing skirmish it has faced in every market in the world. The company dug deep into the same and is supposed to have pulled out a strategy to compete versus Nirma. A strategy already applied in markets similar to India facing a similar David vs Goliath war. HLL launched a new brand Wheel in the Nirma segment and priced it just a tad higher than the upstart to kill Nirma's biggest USP, price. Promoted as a 'better detergent at affordable price' to take Nirma head on, Wheel gradually turned the tables on the newbie. While Wheel indulged in the market warfare on the price platform and flanked Surf, the latter was given a complete makeover with new packaging and a 'superior' positioning to regain its primacy by creating the premium segment which was targeted at the upwardly mobile middle class which the then recently liberalized Indian economy threw up. And there in lies the lessons for BJP to bounce back post the pasting it has received in Delhi. Go back to its core promise, the secret book, which made the Indian electorates give it massive majority in the last general election. (Link here Dear Sri Narendra Modi!)

Will Surf 'Excel' again?

AAP

One of the greatest marketing fiascos ever indulged in by any company happened in '85 when Coca Cola, hold your breath, changed the recipe of its flagship aerated drink. So uproarious was the reaction and rejection from the consumers that it is said that this led to Pepsi taking leadership position in the North American market for the very first time in the history of the Cola Wars. To cut the story short, Coke quickly went back to its original recipe and post one of the costliest marketing campaigns ever went back to where it always was, leadership. Nothing works with consumers better than a responsive brand. A sincere apology to the electorates for the mistake of the '49 day government' fiasco has indeed worked wonders for brand AAP. Now AAP has the tougher task at hand. Apologising for the mistake was akin to bringing back the original Coke recipe. Delivering the 'always Coca Cola' promise is the task now. It doesn't take the consumer time to switch brands preferences again.

Recipe is back. Will it 'refresh' again?

Congress

I had written on the challenges the Congress faces earlier. To cut the story short Suffices if I just replug the same again here!


---------------------------------------------------------------------------

PS: Over to Bihar now. Will BJP stick to its 'Secret Book' or can the arithmetic of JDU+RJD+INC do a  Nirma? Watch this space!

Glossary :
doodh si safedi : Whiteness like milk
Nirmawala Surf dena : Give me Surf named Nirma

Smog, Airports And Common Man!

I am not very sure of the year so suffices to say it was the Christmas Eve during early 2000s. Self was booked to fly down to Bangalore from Delhi. And as you have rightly guessed flying out of Delhi during its severe winter nights is a zilch idea. Given the fog/smog the schedules of all the airlines were thrown haywire then, just as they are even today. Delays ranging from hours to days being the norm. Given this scenario, Jet Airways made a cardinal error of sending me an SMS saying my flight however will take off as scheduled. Armed with the said message I made it to the Airport as planned.

One fine winter morning @ Delhi......Airport!

On reaching the Airline counter I was informed by the helpless Passenger Service Officer that she had no clue when my flight will depart as there were three DEL-BLR flights already scheduled before mine and were yet to take off. Out came the mobile and I showed the damning SMS. Any explanation about the same being an automated/scheduled message were swatted away like any Indian batsman would a fuller delivery outside the leg with no fine leg/square leg, to the boundary. Post a fairly authentic portrayal of the 'Angry Young Man', I was accommodated in the next departing flight out of turn.

We were all seated and ready to take off. However we were delayed due to the air traffic over Delhi and the Airline decided to serve us our dinner. Imagine a Christmas Eve dinner in an aircraft! But then who was I to complain when I was at least fortunate to embark on my journey homeward, many on ground then would have envied me about such small mercies. Dinner done, we awaited the take off. A hour or so later we were informed that the flight will apparently not take off at all due to worsening visibility and were subsequently deplaned. The assurance given that the flight will take off the next morning at 9 AM. So much for my stroke of good luck! To top it all was the gleeful and nasty faces shown by the passengers who were left behind in the airport gave us on our return back to terra firma!

After a peaceful night at Taj Mansingh, courtesy Jet Airways I was back in the aircraft with the rest of the passenger well on time. What followed was breakfast! And yet another delay. As the fog began to thicken again, the passengers badgered the cabin crew on the reasons for the delay. Finally the Captain announced that the delay despite an all clear was due to a politician who was to fly with us was yet to arrive. The proverbial last straw! Most agitated and angry passengers, self included got down from the aircraft down to the tarmac. An hour of so later the politician's cavalcade made it to the Aircraft. The already annoyed passengers, self included, started raising slogans against the 'khaas aadmi' treatment extended to the politician. The bottomline emerged that we would not allow the flight to take off if the politician boarded it! The politicians security officers tried to mollify us by apologizing only to be politely told that while we respect the NSG, the same did not extend to the politician, who by the way refused to step down from his bullet proof car! After about fifteen minutes of verbal jujitsu with the passengers, the NSG went back to the car to ask the politician to come out and personally apologize to us passengers. The politician immediately did what politicians generally do when people ask questions, he drove away! Post a shrill 'hip hip hooray' and hearty laughter we reentered the aircraft and it took off without the politician! Yes! Never underestimate the power of a common Jet Airways Passenger!

You want to know who this politician in question is? I won't disappoint you! Look below!  

HARADANAHALLI DODDE GOWDA DEVE GOWDA!
Former Prime Minister of India.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

PS: I made a cardinal error during my free stay at Taj Mansingh. I ordered a packet of cigarettes. Puff went 25% my monthly paycheck!

Glossary :

Khaas Aadmi : VIP

Strike! Strike!!

"Bandh Karo!"

Certain days which I always looked forward to as a young student in Calcutta and then as I was just starting off in building a career was what is known as 'Bandh'. For those who came in late 'Bandh' is a strike conducted by any and random organization to protest against any and random issue that catches his/her fancy. This Hindi/Bengali word literally means 'close' and is a euphemism for bringing a city or a state to a 'close'. If you assume this is going to be an exercise in outraging about 'Bandhs' leading to economic loss, loss of mandays, loss of opportunity, how it keeps a daily wage earner hungry, loss of 'image' of the city/state/country then you are doing nothing more than betraying your ignorance! What I propose to do is to open your eyes to the benefits of bandhs.

Ma, Maati, Maanush, Michil, Mushkil!

Organizing a 'bandh' is not a child's play as you would imagine. There is a whole lot of science involved in the same. No! The reason to call a 'bandh' is not the toughest among them, in fact is the easiest. From protesting against petrol price hikes to price rise in general to saving 'secularism', our political landscape gives enough and more reason to protest. The difficult part is to select the day to go on a 'bandh'. Any random day will not work. You must first give advance notice to the people so as to enable them to 'spontaneously' support the bandh. To be doubly sure of peoples' support, you must organize 'michils' for a week before the actual bandh which should throw the life of the citizen topsy-turvy. This will ensure they are trained to be in the right frame of mind to support the noble cause. Secondly, you must schedule the bandh on a Friday or Monday so as to ensure you present a long weekend. This gives the people ample time to support the strike by leaving on a holiday! The other logistical nightmare is to ensure sufficient foot soldiers are on the ground on the day of the action to 'persuade' any shop/office/factory which in its ignorance decides to function on the D-Day. Usually a well placed slap to the owner of the establishment, a well directed rain of stones on the shop window makes them see the larger point of your noble fight against the 'American imperialism". The most crucial piece of planning  while organizing the bandh is to ensure the your friendly neighbourhood bootlegger is well stocked and is exempted from observing the strike. Nobody will work for you to make a bandh successful without his quota of 'hooch'. The other item to be ticked is to ensure the establishments under 'essential services' are well protected. No! Not hospitals, medical stores, ambulances but the 'chai shops', 'theks' 'paan-biri' kiosks. I would not support  no cause however noble if I am denied my peg-sheg, soota or an opportunity to socialize in an 'adda' over 'moodi-chop-cha'!   

If you get a feeling I am a fan of 'bandhs' then you are right. Every year during my stay in Calcutta it used to add a few days to the annual 'holiday' calender. A 'paid' holiday to boot! Once before the visit of the Boss from Head Office for what was likely to be a particularly messy meeting, we in the Calcutta branch office ganged up and persuaded him to cancel his visit. We invented a very very plausible reason for the cancellation of the visit, a 'proposed' bandh on the day of his arrival! And he swallowed the bluff without battling an eyelid! 

What Shivaji Park? G.T.Road it is!

Those of you who have been following my memoirs here know that I am a great fan of Cricket. And like all cricket enthusiasts in India, I too started with gully cricket. However my cricketing ambition was bigger, much bigger. I wanted to graduate into the big league. Not for me the suffocating 'gullies' of Calcutta. I wanted a much larger canvas to express myself. I wanted the wide spectrum of the National Highway! To bowl a few and bat a few more. Thanks to the 'bandhs', I realized my ambition. Many times over! On the Grand Trunk Road no less!

As I always say, my glass is half full. And many a times I dig deep into this dictum to make use of the positives that a bandh offers! However much some ill informed politicos like Shashi Tharoor and his small band of merry men may try and dissuade me with his #SayNoToHartal campaigns, I will continue to enjoy the fruits of 'bandhs'. Poor Shashiettan! How is he to know that me and most of us country men, we are like this only!

Say 'No' to 'No Hartal'

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

PS: 'Bandhs' are banned in India as per a Kerala High Court ruling. However we smart Indians renamed the 'bandh' to 'hartal' and ever since it is business as usual. Now you know where Hafiz Saeed and LeT/JuD got their idea from!

Glossary:

Michil : Protest rallies

Hooch : Country liquor

Chai : Tea

Thek : Dens selling country liquor

Paan : Betel Leaves chewing of which is popular in the Indian subcontinent.

Biri : Filter less cigarettes.

Peg-Sheg : Colloquial for 'pegs'.

Soota : Puff of a cigarette.

Adda: An informal get-together.

Moodi-Chop_Cha : Moodi (Parched rice), Chop (Spicy fries similar to Bajji/Bonda), Cha (Bengalese for tea)

Shashiettan : Shashi (Name) Ettan ( Elder brother) 

Hartal : General strike