Those of you who have been following my adventures and
escapades here for the past some months will remember me confessing to being a
Grade 1 unadulterated male chauvinist pig. You will also recall me scale down
from those exalted heights when this
happened to me! And you who have been keeping my company in recent
times will agree that whatever may be the scales of misogyny I display when it
comes to my wife and other womenfolk who pepper my life, I am by far the most
gender neutral person in this side of the hemisphere when it comes to my
daughter. Another confession that I will remind you of now, the last for the day I
promise, is the one about the beginning of the demise of the MCP in me the day
I realized to my horror what if my daughter is treated the way I treat my wife!
As the ruminations above would have told you I have tried to
bring up my daughter as an equal citizen. Equal in her rights, equal in her
freedoms, equal in pampering, equal in mollycoddling. As equal as my son. Maybe
more as at the time of going to press the junior is still very junior to her! The point being she has had no ‘special
treatment’ meted out to her only because of her sex. In the parlance of the
prevailing social scenario in our country, I have tried to bring her up like a
‘boy/man’! Though I find the last line offensive and sexist, I use it to ease
your understanding of the context that I/We have imposed no discrimination on
our daughter vis-à-vis the rights enjoyed by our son. Random discriminative suggestions or ideas propounded by my
better half out of a sense of concern or worry for our daughter’s safety or
future were mostly discarded by us for what they were, discriminatory in nature
albeit well intentioned.
We fed her along with the morsels of thacchi mammu the fact that she was second to none in the world just
because the chromosomes decided differently. We tried always, sometimes successfully
or sometimes not so, to make available to her the
opportunities that she deserved. We loved her, spoilt her, disciplined her or
put restrictions on her as the situation demanded for her own benefit or
betterment but never because she wasn’t a ‘he’! Suffices to say the treatment
would have been the same had she been a ‘he’! And hence never did it once cross
my mind that she was a paraya dhan
whom I would have to one day ‘gift’ away to some so called knight in a shining
armour. Yet..!
YET! Despite all the above bravado never could I reconcile
to the fact that one day I will have to say good bye to her as she goes on to
decide whatever is good for her. For her career. For her marriage. For her
life. All the above gyaan has still
not prepared me to the fact that my baby girl will one day leave my house for
another man! I don’t know whether this thinking would pass muster and
camouflage this as my sense of concern, loss and worry rather than as an
acceptance of a practice which is totally patriarchal. The thought does cross
my mind and despite all the conditioning that I have done to my grey cells that
it is her life, her choice and it is her decision that is paramount but try telling this to the father in me!
I am however reassured that no calamity was in the offing as we are sure we are
trying our best to equip her with all the knowledge, skills and experience
which we can provide, buy and share with her so as to enable her to take educated
and informed decisions on matters relating to her life. I was also fairly
serene given the fact that such a parting would still be a decade or so away
given her age. Imagine my consternation when like a bolt from the blue, the
decade under discussion seems to have melted away and here we are on the
doorsteps of exchanging hugs, kisses and tears of parting! My darling daughter
is going away!
Was fate giving me an opportunity to reconcile to the pain
that I would have to encounter in the future? Was it helping me prepare better
for the blow that will fall on me? To prepare and equip me to help digest the
sweet sorrow of parting that is in store for me? Now I know why those fathers
shed tears when their angels get into the doli
or drive away in the car decorated with flowers for their honeymoons. Now I do!
Thank you fate for giving me the dress rehearsal. Thank you for grooming me up
so that I am not left wanting when the D Day arrives. However I promise you
this! Despite the rehearsal, I will shed tears when that moment arrives! Tears
of concern, tears of worry, tears of love and tears of happiness. I don’t know
when that eventual day will arrive but today on the day of ‘mini’ parting I
make do with the song sung by millions of Indian fathers rooted to Bollywood,
with slightly modified lyrics!
Khushi khushi kar do
bida, Ke Rani beti raj
karegi.
DU main admission
mila, Ke Rani beti raj
karegi!
FYI: DU as in Delhi University!
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PS: My Daughter In Delhi has always been my worst nightmare. I
hope and pray my fears about Delhi are as exaggerated as the exaggerations is spin about
my nightmares!
Glossary:
Thacchi Mammu : Curd rice in Tamil babyspeak
Paraya Dhan : Property belonging to others
Gyaan : Lecture/Knowledge
Doli : Ceremonial palanquin in which the bride leaves her
father’s house.
The song reads “Send her off with a smile for She the Queen, will
rule wherever she goes!”
