Women? Good Lord!

Either the Travancore Devaswom Board (TDB) has read my blogpost or better sense has prevailed. A new sense of purpose maybe. Among the many complaints mentioned in my earlier post I am happy to report substantial changes, for the better that I witnessed during my recent visit to the Sabari Hills. The washrooms/restrooms earlier resting on man made lakes and the other attended shortcomings have been renovated. No more water logging. No more running around to fetch water. And clean! Well done TDB.

Plastic! Where art thou? The Sabarimalai and its entire trekking stretch and the Sannidhanam is plastic free now. No polybags, no pet bottles. NO PLASTIC! Kudos! However Dear TDB here are a few suggestions which can make this step even more devotee friendly. While ban on pet bottles is a very welcome step, you must also ensure presence of far more numbers of fresh drinking water kiosks. I for one was left mostly thirsty as I did not carry any water storing unit and had to discard the pet bottle at a garbage bin at the start of the trek at Pampa. You must also encourage the water/water substitute brands to possibly sell their liquids in recyclable glass bottles which will not only ensure conserving the environment around the holy hills but also give people a chance to buy and carry liquids to quench their thirst. Well done TDB for converting a nitpicker into a suggestion maker!

At the starting point of the trek up the Sabarimalai there is a police check point. Not only looking out for pickpockets or unruly devotees but also to check the age certificate of the women devotees who they suspect might be over 10 or under 50 years of age. For those who came in late, the rules at Sabarimalai bar girls/women in the above age bracket from entering the temple premises because of an age old tradition which believes their presence will defile a temple where the resident god, Lord Ayyappan has taken a vow of permanent celibacy. You would also be aware of the recent movements from various quarters to stop what is described as a regressive practice which is not only patriarchal but is also unconstitutional. While the matter is still in the courts and various parties are jockeying to take position for and against any change in this tradition, I for one am all for the rules be amended and the women, all women be allowed to have a darshan of our maker. You may call me gender neutral on this issue. Just as Hindu rituals/practices have either evolved for the better through internal reforms or by the stroke in the law books. If Sati can be abolished, if widow remarriage permitted, if right to property be allowed for the girl child, then why not an innocuous temple entry?

Shani Shingnapur - Trailer for Sabarimalai?

I can already read your mind. “Hinduism under attack! Our rituals and our tradition!” Say the fundamentalists. “Why only us Hindus? Why not the other religions married to the book?” Say the champions of Uniform Civil Code. I will take up your queries, one at a time.

I have already touched upon Sati and other ‘traditions’. For those who are unaware, a visit to Sabarimalai demands a 41 day period of penance which entails celibacy, no vices, black attire, no shaving/hair cutting etc. In short lead a life of a yogi/hermit. That is the tradition. Today however many if not most do not undergo the penance. I have seen people even during the penance indulge in activities not permitted. And one can see many a trekker smoking away to glory. These traditions are expendable of course for it is the men who indulge in it you see. Double standards if there was one and so much for Hinduism under attack. Be a sport. Be true. And let the ladies in. I am sure they are far more pious and serious than most men are!

“Why only us Hindus? Why not the Abrahamic religions? You don’t have guts to touch their religious practices!” Sadly I too have to agree with you here. A combination of ‘why disturb the beehive’ mentality and lopsided lust for 'minority votes’ by a section of our political class has led to a substantial number of our citizen remaining in perennial darkness of regressive practices. Appeasement is what it is called commonly. And it must change. Change soon. This country owes it to some of its most backward and oppressed citizenry in the name of following 7^th Century laws. And I am willing to go the whole way on this point. I have what I think only one question for you. Must I too regress or stagnate or stop evolving for the better just because others don’t? Will you for example stop giving attention to your work or your business or studies because some others in the company or marketplace or classrooms are unwilling to or unable to or are not permitted to? I am sure you will agree with me that you won’t! That is the crux of my argument. I will continue to strive and improve and continue to set a positive example. And will keep doing it for my benefit. And I am sure one day it will rub off on the others. I as in Hindus and others as in those who are still suppressed by the dogma arising out of the pulpit.

MalikapuratthuAmma. Waiting for the wait to end!

There is an interesting sidelight to the Celibate Yogi in Sabarimalai. A lady, much in love with Lord Ayyappan, Malikapuratthu Amma, whose shrine too is one among the many in the Ponnambalam is waiting for the day when the Lord will break his vows. The condition imposed by the Lord to accept her is that he would do so the day when there is not a single ‘debutant’, christened Kanni Swamy, among the devotees who visit the temple! The other legend about Ayyappan is that he is a much married man. He has two wives. Purna and Pushkala. SO! The Lord has not forsaken the womenfolk. It is as good a time as any for men to stop forsaking them too!

Purna Pushkala sametha Ayyappa Swamiyeiiii!

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PS: The lady of my house says she will never visit Sabarimalai till she attains the age prescribed by the traditions. It will be a deiva kuttram she says. I too won’t insist. The lady knows what she wants and I leave it at that. I am sure most men will agree with me.

You might find this interesting too. The Bad, The Good, The Best of Sabarimalai

 

Glossary:

Dharshan : Holy glimpse of the Idol of the god/goddess in Hindu temples.

Ponnambalam : Golden Temple

Kanni Swamy : First time visitor/devotee at Sabarimalai.

Deiva Kuttram : Blasphemy

Sannidhanam: Sanctum Sanctorum  

Sati: Practice of a widow joining/forced into the funeral pyres of her husband. Abolished by law during British India days after a sustained campaign against it by Reformist Raja Ram Mohun Roy.

Bye Bye My Angel!

Those of you who have been following my adventures and escapades here for the past some months will remember me confessing to being a Grade 1 unadulterated male chauvinist pig. You will also recall me scale down from those exalted heights when this happened to me! And you who have been keeping my company in recent times will agree that whatever may be the scales of misogyny I display when it comes to my wife and other womenfolk who pepper my life, I am by far the most gender neutral person in this side of the hemisphere when it comes to my daughter. Another confession that I will remind you of now, the last for the day I promise, is the one about the beginning of the demise of the MCP in me the day I realized to my horror what if my daughter is treated the way I treat my wife!

As the ruminations above would have told you I have tried to bring up my daughter as an equal citizen. Equal in her rights, equal in her freedoms, equal in pampering, equal in mollycoddling. As equal as my son. Maybe more as at the time of going to press the junior is still very junior to her!  The point being she has had no ‘special treatment’ meted out to her only because of her sex. In the parlance of the prevailing social scenario in our country, I have tried to bring her up like a ‘boy/man’! Though I find the last line offensive and sexist, I use it to ease your understanding of the context that I/We have imposed no discrimination on our daughter vis-à-vis the rights enjoyed by our son. Random discriminative suggestions or ideas propounded by my better half out of a sense of concern or worry for our daughter’s safety or future were mostly discarded by us for what they were, discriminatory in nature albeit well intentioned.

We fed her along with the morsels of thacchi mammu the fact that she was second to none in the world just because the chromosomes decided differently. We tried always, sometimes successfully or sometimes not so, to make available to her the opportunities that she deserved. We loved her, spoilt her, disciplined her or put restrictions on her as the situation demanded for her own benefit or betterment but never because she wasn’t a ‘he’! Suffices to say the treatment would have been the same had she been a ‘he’! And hence never did it once cross my mind that she was a paraya dhan whom I would have to one day ‘gift’ away to some so called knight in a shining armour. Yet..!

YET! Despite all the above bravado never could I reconcile to the fact that one day I will have to say good bye to her as she goes on to decide whatever is good for her. For her career. For her marriage. For her life. All the above gyaan has still not prepared me to the fact that my baby girl will one day leave my house for another man! I don’t know whether this thinking would pass muster and camouflage this as my sense of concern, loss and worry rather than as an acceptance of a practice which is totally patriarchal. The thought does cross my mind and despite all the conditioning that I have done to my grey cells that it is her life, her choice and it is her decision that is paramount but try telling this to the father in me!  

I am however reassured that no calamity was in the offing as we are sure we are trying our best to equip her with all the knowledge, skills and experience which we can provide, buy and share with her so as to enable her to take educated and informed decisions on matters relating to her life. I was also fairly serene given the fact that such a parting would still be a decade or so away given her age. Imagine my consternation when like a bolt from the blue, the decade under discussion seems to have melted away and here we are on the doorsteps of exchanging hugs, kisses and tears of parting! My darling daughter is going away!

Was fate giving me an opportunity to reconcile to the pain that I would have to encounter in the future? Was it helping me prepare better for the blow that will fall on me? To prepare and equip me to help digest the sweet sorrow of parting that is in store for me? Now I know why those fathers shed tears when their angels get into the doli or drive away in the car decorated with flowers for their honeymoons. Now I do! Thank you fate for giving me the dress rehearsal. Thank you for grooming me up so that I am not left wanting when the D Day arrives. However I promise you this! Despite the rehearsal, I will shed tears when that moment arrives! Tears of concern, tears of worry, tears of love and tears of happiness. I don’t know when that eventual day will arrive but today on the day of ‘mini’ parting I make do with the song sung by millions of Indian fathers rooted to Bollywood, with slightly modified lyrics!

Khushi khushi kar do bida, Ke Rani beti raj karegi.

DU main admission mila, Ke Rani beti raj karegi!

FYI: DU as in Delhi University!

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PS: My Daughter In Delhi has always been my worst nightmare. I hope and pray my fears about Delhi are as exaggerated as the exaggerations is spin about my nightmares!

Glossary:

Thacchi Mammu : Curd rice in Tamil babyspeak

Paraya Dhan : Property belonging to others

Gyaan : Lecture/Knowledge

Doli : Ceremonial palanquin in which the bride leaves her father’s house.

The song reads “Send her off with a smile for She the Queen, will rule wherever she goes!”

For listening to the  'Farewell my baby' song mentioned in the post, click here!