UFO? No! It's WFO!

Those who have been following my escapades written on these pages know that I am one of those perennially absent from home Father/Husband etc. Belonging to that unique tribe called Salesmen, the days that we sleep in our own bedroom, eat on our own dining table and ………. in our own washrooms is a rarity. Suffices to say that as my Better Half puts it often and succinctly “ The guest has arrived”! That my work profile is such that even on the days I am ‘home’, I leave for office early and return back late makes the few ‘Off days’ worth a treasure in their weight!

Such ‘arrivals’ are often warmly welcomed in the family circles of us salesmen. The Better Half dishes out your favourite delicacy for BF/Lunch/Dinner. The Junior insisting we go out for BF/Lunch/Dinner is promptly shut down with a “Poor Pappa! He seldom gets to eat ‘home’ food. Lets us not deny him the ‘good’ food till he is @ home”. (‘Good food’ is strictly in reference to the culinary skills of Your’s Truly’s Better Half and not generally about one-size-fits-all type generalizing. Those who are not as blessed as me can simply edit out the ‘Good’ and make do with just ‘home’ in the food. Welcome!)
Junior of course melts you with an innocent but not so apt ‘”When are you leaving Pappa?” the moment you have landed your back gently on the sofa. (Out of sheer happiness and to help him chalk out an itinerary/programme for the days Pappa is going to be @ home. Welcome again!) Then there is Chokkalingam who simply floors you with a chest bump and doesn’t leave you till he has licked clean every pore in your tired body. (For those who came in late, introducing Chokkalingam! Welcome yet again!)

Chokkalingam for you!

This was a routine which has been written in stone from time immemorial as I believe the expression is. Month-in-month-out as another expression goes. Year-in-year-out as yet another expression educates us. This as one more expression goes, the last I would be quoting for sometime to come I promise, was too good to last. It didn't. The disruptor came from China. And How! Before we could even gather our wits, the routine lay in shambles. The expressions quoted above blown to smithereens! The unwanted Chinese atithi was Corona Virus. Among other things it introduced to us Paindoo/Pattikkadu types the acronym, WFH! WORK FROM HOME for the uninitiated. Not to be confused with the more universally popular WT……you get the drift I am sure. Till now strictly restricted to the domains of the EMTs in Information Technology and Software Coolies industry, WFH made its presence felt in Salesmanland, from Kashmir to Kanniyakumari and from Kutch to Kohima as we Saleu types often say.

Day 1 of the WFH went pretty well I must concede. The ‘Pappa’s favourite food- When are you leaving- Chokkalingam in full form’ played out as usual. Except for the family outing because all the Hotspots (?) in Coimbatore was locked out.

Day 2 of the WFH was even better. Self took the onus upon himself to dish out the breakfast for the family. (Better for the self. However the jury is still out for the rest of the family.) The Didi-of-the house who till the other day was Dilli ki chhori and in her latest avtaar as a Hyderabad ki Potti decided to try her latest experiments by whipping up Andhra style Pasta for dinner. ( For those looking askance, Andhra style Pasta is nothing but the pasta that you cook with the normal recipe and then sprinkle it with half a kg of the reddest, hottest Guntur Chillie powder. Post the ceremonial consumption of the concoction, the slogan in the family circles goes thus: If Corona doesn't get you, the Andhra style pasta must!)

Day 3 of the WFH is when the seams started to fray. To say the day went like the 1st inning Mohammad Shami would be an understatement. The lady of the house decided that the day should be spent cleaning up the house and everyone must participate in the drill. By the time the exercise was over, Junior thought his math class was a better option, the Potti felt the 2 AM conference calls were easier to mange and yours truly thought achieving the annual target in a month was an eminently suitable alternative.

Day 4 of the WFH is when the war broke out. The regular duel for the remote turned into a battle with more warring groups in attendance. The decision on the menu saw scenario where even the Speaker shouting “Baith jaiye, Baith Jaiye” that would have quietened out Parliament failed to cut much ice. The constant reminders to ‘wash your hands’ falling to deaf ears. An argument on a small lie spoken 23 years ago by Yours Truly threatened to escalate to a nuclear flashpoint. We were witnessing an act of Social Distancing that Modiji’s speech writer would not have imagined. The clapping and clanging of bells replaced by missiles flying in every direction.

At the time of going to the press, Nobody is praying more earnestly than this one family in Coimbatore which wants Carona sent packing. Pronto. Like RIGHT NOW! So that life could resume at its normal self. Like how it has always been. They all want, self included, to WFO. WORK FROM OFFICE!!!!!!!!

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PS: A Lil bit of dramatic license is permitted while writing the script of the period films as they say in Bollywood circles!


Glossary:

Atithi: Guest
Paindoo/Pattikkadu : Villager type (Slur)
EMT: English Medium Types
Saleu: Colloquial Bengali/Hindi for Salesmen
Dilli ki Chhori : Girl From Delhi
Hyderabad ki potti: Girl from Hyderabad
Baith Jaiye: Sit down!