Chokkalingam 3.0

Hi! I mean Woof woof!

I write this at a time when all things Chinese are being universally condemned, thanks to the latest Chinese import, the Corona Virus. Being a Chinese import myself, my heart bleeds for my adopted country as it fights tooth and nail, every citizen turning into soldiers (Some voluntarily, some prodded by the Govt and some thanks to the Punjab ka naqsha being drawn on the cheeks of those who violated the lockdown orders, welcome!) Not to forget the health workers, security personnel and the humble hygiene workers from the municipal corporation armed with a good word, sanitizers, masks, pots, pans, thali, gaali and some such apparatus. Never have I prayed more for the victory of my adopted country over the country of my origin. (That I am being called an anti-national by the folks at the Communist Party Of China is nothing but a case of collateral damage which I take with a mouthful of meat-jerky. Also I have a special message for the Idiots at the helm of affairs at WHO and the ‘intellectuals’ and ‘journalists’ in the payrolls of those who swear by Yuan, don’t let me find your dicky between my jaws! Death by Chinese Virus would be a welcome alternative you would imagine, I promise!)

Having laid the atmosphere for this note, let me jump right into the story. One of the unfortunate byproducts of the Wuhan Virus pandemic is what is being described as WFH. WORK FROM HOME I am told. For the uninitiated, what this high sounding acronym means is that everyone in the family, The Home maker, The Foreword Writer, the Dilli -ki-chhori who is now a Hyderabad-ki-potti and most importantly the Credit Card Dude do what I do all the time. Stay at home! Pretend to work. Eat and sleep. To say that a huge hue and cry was being made out of what was just a routine for me was pretty over the top if you ask me. I mean big deal. That is what I thought………! Let me explain why. (For those who came in late, here is the note on the characters mentioned above just to help you settle in Welcome!)

My work schedule essentially was written in stone. Early morning I had an appointment with “Sappadu”. Post which the routine was I visited my regular spot under the master bed, below the stool in the balcony, under the reading table in the living room, near the mostly unused kennel and my favourite spot, the right side of the comfortable sofa. The duration spent on these locations varied depending on when I was woken up by the sheer decibel levels of my own snoring! Another appointment with ‘Sappadu” in the evening and a repeat of my travel arrangements later, the world called it a day. Pretty neat if you ask me. This neat arrangement was too good to last. It didn’t! WFH hit it hard. AND HOW!

The house suddenly started to resemble a war zone. A rudimentary calm of a day or two later (Explained pretty lucidly here by the Credit Card Dude, Welcome again!), the intensity of the Mahabharat increased in its crescendo. The Peace and calm of my life lay blown to smithereens. I have heard people says that a dude called Aristotle said that Man is a social animal. Thou Art Wrong Monsieur Aristotle! Man is an animal! All the ‘Social’ goes out of the window if you make a man do what we Animalkind  do as a routine. I could have still put up with the disruption caused by the ‘social’ kind referred to by Shri Aristotleji but for one major catastrophe. The Credit Card dude, already on his wits end due to the forced inactivity he was being subjected to, took over my favourite spot, the right side of the comfortable sofa!. Sacrilege! Cruelty! Where are the bloody dudes from Peta? Will they only fight for my rights during Diwali when no amount of firecrackers can match the decibel levels of my snoring?  Or will they actually protect me when my right to the right side of the comfortable sofa is snatched without as much as a gentlemanly ‘May I please?” Imagine! Being denied to you what is yours by birthright! Ok! Not birthright but just like those dudes from Bangladesh who are Indian Citizen because they happen to be here. Mamata Didi! Where are you? Are Chinese any lesser being than Deshis?

RIGHT SIDE OF THE COMFORTABLE SOFA UNDER FOREIGN OCCUPATION!

No amount of licking, loving, cajoling, woof-woofing had the desired effect. The Credit Card Dude wouldn’t budge. Gradually the Home Maker, The Foreword Writer and the Hyderabad ki potti also gave up on me. Just like our ‘intellectuals’ and ‘journalists’ who had moved on from Shaheen Bagh to #JantaCurfew won’t work, the three above mentioned characters also moved over to their fight for the remote control, leaving me licking my wounds and nursing my heavy heart.

Finally I did what this family in Coimbatore has been doing ever since the lockdown, pray. Pray like no other family has done. Pray that India sends Corona packing. Like RIGHT NOW! So that everybody can, especially the Credit Card Dude goes back to WFO! WORK FROM OFFICE! And I can go back to THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE COMFORTABLE SOFA! WOOF WOOF TILL THEN!

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PS: Please click on the Welcome and Welcome again words in the copy above. They contain the links to the Episode 1 and 2 of my story. (By Woof! One has to explain everything to you)

Glossary:

Sappadu : Food in Tamizh
Punjab Ka Naqsha: Literal - Map of Punjab. Figurative : Slap of the face.