एक 'मद्रासी' की कहानी!

सबसे पहले कुछ अपने बारे में! कृपया आश्चर्य न करें पर मेरी मातृ भाषा तमिल हैं और मैं कोई विदेशी नहीं हूँ! में भी भारतीय हूँ और उतना ही भारतीय जितना की आप, जिनकी मातृ भाषा हिंदी हैं|  अगर आप  मेरे इन शब्दों से परेशान हैं अथवा मेरे वाक्य आपको समझ नहीं आ रहें हैं तो जान लीजिये की आपकी अवस्था भी बिलकुल मेरी ही तरह हैं! आपने अक्सर देखा और पढ़ा होगा और यह हाल फिलाल में सुर्खियां भी बानी की इस देश में हिंदी भाषा को सरकारी कार्यों में प्राथमिक्ता  देनी चाहिए| इस विशय पर अनेक टिप्पणियां भी आई, कुछ इस विषय के पक्ष में और कुछ इसके विपक्ष में, कुछ सभ्य शब्दों में और कुछ...................................खैर छोड़िये!

इतिहास गवाह हैं की इस देश में भाषा और भाषाओँ का बहुत महत्व हैं| भाषा के आधार पर राज्यों के विभाजन से ले कर भाषाओँ के पक्ष में एवं  भाषाओँ के ज़बरदस्ती थोपने के खिलाफ आंदोलन तक, हमने सब देखा हैं| लोगों ने इस मुद्दे पर अपनी जान तक कुर्बान की हैं और शायद आज भी लोग इस मुद्दे पर जान देने और जान लेने के काबिल हैं| यह एक वजह काफी हैं के हम जब भी इस विशय पर कोई भी चर्चा करें तो तनिक सावधानी और ठन्डे दिमाग से करें| "अनेकता में एकता" एक ऐसा मंत्र हैं जिसे  देश के पाठशालाओं में बच्चों को इस तरह सिखाया जाता हैं जैसे कोई माँ अपने बच्चे को उसके जन्म पर अपना दूध पिला रही हो! हमारा संविधान भी देश के इसी मूल मंत्र पर आधारित हैं| इस देश के अनेक किस्म के भिन्नताओं में भाषा की एहमियत शायद सर्वोपरि हैं| कहते हैं इस देश के "कोस कोस पर पानी बदले, चार कोस पे वाणी"! इस स्तिथि में अनिवार्य हैं की हर वह निर्णय जिस से हमारे विविधता पर कोई आंच आ सके, उनका प्रयोग मात्र भावनाओं में डूब कर या राजनितिक फायदों के लिए न लियें जायें| 

मेरा भा.......षा महान!

यह अक्सर कहा जाता हैं मेरे जैसों के बारे में, खासकर उत्तर भारत के प्रांतों में की हम 'मद्रासी' हिंदी नहीं जानते और हम 'मद्रासियों' में हिंदी के खिलाफ विशेष लगाव हैं! "'मद्रासी' हिंदी नहीं जानता, कोई हिंदी सीखना भी नहीं चाहता, कोई हिंदी सीखना भी चाहे तो उन्हें सिखाया नहीं जाता, हिंदी जानता भी हो तो जान बूझकर हिंदी का प्रयोग नहीं करता!" मुझे यकीन हैं के आप सब ने इन शब्दों का प्रयोग कभी न कभी किया होगा या करते हुए सुना होगा! मैं तो इन शब्दों को सुन सुन कर थक गया हूँ| बहुत नाइंसाफी हैं यह! क्या आपने कभी किसी 'मद्रासी' को दिल्ली आकर यह कहते सुना हैं की "यह 'हिंदीवाला' तमिल नहीं जानता, मलयालम सीखना भी नहीं चाहता, तेलुगु सीखना चाहे तो कोई सिखाता नहीं हैं, कन्नड़ा जानता भी हो तो जान बूझकर उसका प्रयोग नहीं करता!" (मेरे अज़ीज़ हमवतनों: देखा आपने? हम 'मद्रासियों' में ही कितनी विविधता हैं? वेलकम!) और यह सिर्फ 'मद्रासियों' तक ही सीमित नहीं. मेरे मित्रगण जो बांग्ला, ओड़िया,अहोमिया,गुजरती,मराठी, कोंकणी इत्यादि इत्यादि भाषी हैं, शायद वह भी इस वक़्त ऐसा ही सोच रहें होंगे!

अनेकता में एकता!

मैं न केवल एक दक्षिण भारतीय हूँ जिसकी मातृ भाषा हिंदी नहीं हैं बल्कि में रहता भी दक्षिण भारत में हूँ जहाँ हिंदी भाषा का प्रयोग ज़्यादा नहीं हैं| तमिलनाडु में तमिल का या महाराष्ट्र में मराठी का उपयोग ज़्यादा होना तो स्वाभाविक सी बात हैं, होनी भी चाहिए. इसके बावजूद मेरे दोनों बच्चे आज अपने विध्यालय में  हिंदी भाषा सीख रहें हैं. जानते हैं क्यों? क्योंकि हम पर हिंदी पढ़ने की कोई ज़बरदस्ती नहीं हैं. हमारा मानना हैं की हमारी प्रांतीय एवं मातृ भाषा तो हम सीख ही लेंगे, अंतराष्ट्रीय भाषा  अंग्रेजी तो अनिवार्य हैं, हिंदी सीखने से हमें देश के अन्य प्रांतों में भी काम करने का अवसर मिल सकता हैं. अर्थार्थ कोई नेकी या हिंदी पर कोई विशेष प्रेम नहीं बल्कि सीधे सीधे स्वार्थ, आर्थिक लाभ उठाने का स्वार्थ. आप हमें क्या हिंदी सिखाएंगे जनाब! हम तो वैसे हे सीख रहें हैं और दिल्ली पर भी धावा बोल ही देंगे एक न एक दिन. पर आप कब 'मद्रासी' सीखोगे बंधू?

Should you not know how to read Hindi, here is the English translation. Welcome!

 

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प्र: जानते हैं तमिलनाडु में हिंदी को फैलाने का कार्य सबसे ज्यादा किस संस्था ने किया हैं?

उ: .............................................बॉलीवुड ने!

शुक्रियां अतिया ज़ैदी जी @atiyaz -à "कोस कोस पर पानी बदले, चार कोस पे वाणी"! के लिए

एवं

atiya zaidi @atiyaz · Jun 20

Which Hindi r we talking about? Bhojpuri?Awadhi?Maithli? Chhatisgarhi?Haryanvi?Dakkani? Pahadi?Maghai?Rajasthani? Khari Boli?Bambaiya?..1/3

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Dear Arvind Kejriwal!

Dear Arvind Bhaiji,

Hope your erstwhile colleague Ms.Kiran Bedi was wrong about not visiting Tihar Jail during summer.

Hope the other celebrated inmates of Tihar Jail, the mosquitoes are allowing you to peacefully do a Yogendra Yadav.

And unlike your erstwhile mentor Anna Hazare, I hope you are tucking into the famed Tihar Jail cuisine with both hands. And while doing so I hope you don’t bite the hand that feeds you like you did it to the media.

Hope you are able to do a Yogendra Yadav in Tihar!

Now that we have done away with the most important, let me turn to the trivial. Candid confessions first , Arvind Bhaiji. You are a hero! Your contribution to this country is immense. And I hope you will continue your fight, hum tumhare saath haiN! From the time you resuscitated the long forgotten piece of cotton that added oodles of credibility to ones grooming standards, the ubiquitous Gandhi Topi, I have been sold to your abilities. What no amount of “Vishesh Gandhi Jayanti discount upto 50%” or the “Sirappu Aadi ainthulirundhu  aimbadhu sadavidam varai thallubadi” could not, you were able to do from the hallowed turf of Ramlila Maidan, rejuvenate the Gandhi Topi! A cursory glance into history book reveals that the last man to do so successfully was Ben Kingsley! Now add a muffler to the ensemble and you have just revived the Khadi Industry in one swift stroke just like the Queen of England does to her country’s fashion scene every year! And in keeping with the tone, you have made the Muffler ethnic chic!

Fashionista arrives!

One of your greatest contributions to India’s Ambani and Adani controlled Democracy is you have made politics mainstream. Ordinary folks who would not be seen anywhere near the cesspool are now suddenly dirtying their hands in trying to clean the muck. You deserve all the accolades coming your way for this. I don’t think Ashutosh would have chucked a well heeled job with a leading media house but for your motivational skills. Just imagine a long drawn out election campaign without him. From a member of the free media you managed to lure him sufficiently enough to cross the fence and call the same folks paid media! That he has now replaced Shahid Kapoor as the typo king on Twitter is but just a collateral benefit!

You have also set such a high standards of transparency! Allegations of your party’s source of funding were so deftly handled with a straight bat. I am sure the Election Commission would have had no trouble auditing your poll expenses. If I am right your total funding equals the total deposit lost by your candidates, your contribution to India’s floundering economy. I am also told that a lot of fellow volunteers from around the globe contributed to the party kitty too. A great blow for India’s growing forex reserves!

Great blow for India's Forex!

I also loved the way you have handled the charges of you running away from responsibilities. The critics obviously referring to your short lived 49 day Government of Delhi. The critics as usual have missed to see through your brilliant strategy viz. always look at the big picture. What is the point of restricting oneself to ruling just Delhi when you can rule from Delhi! The poor proletariat of the country like our critics too failed to understand this strategy and misled by the communal He-Man and the Secular Toffee Man didn’t vote for you. But turning defeat into victory is your old habit. They think they conquered you? NO! In a swift and deft stroke you washed away the criticism of running away from responsibility by promptly meeting the Lieutenant Governor of Delhi to reclaim your Government post Verdict 2014. But for the unholy alliance of the He Man and Toffee Man again, you would have vanquished the critics for once and for all!

Once you are released from Tihar by next week, month, year or two later, I pray you shift your gaze South of Vindhyas and to Tamil Nadu. It was one the most disappointing features of the just concluded General Elections that you did not embark on a Tamizhnadu vijayam. I am sure we Tamils would have welcomed you with open arms. After all we are world famous for giving everyone a AAPpu!

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PS: Those who don’t like ‘AAPpu’ can replace it with ‘Bulbu’!

Glossary:

Hum Tumhare Saath Hain:  We are with you.

Vishesh : Special

Topi: Cap

Sirappu………thallubadi: Special End of season discount

Tamil Nadu Vijayam: Conquering Tamil Nadu.

AAPpu/Bulbu: Colloquial slang for showing the door. The Bengali equivalent of this is ‘Baans deva’! Followers of Cricket can understand this better if I say Virat Kohli’s famous finger!

Dear Rahul Gandhi!

Dear Rahul,

At the outset let me congratulate you on your magnificent victory in the just concluded General Elections. I am sure the victory must taste like the honey from the best beehive that the Congress Party is!  You were able to hold back stiff competition from the serious thrust of glitz and glamour that the opposition directed towards you. I mean one of your opponents was a ‘wanted-to-become-a-filmstar-but ended-up-on-Idiot-Box’ women and the other who made a living out of cracking jokes! (I am sure you will agree that the former being the Vice President of some standing in the party which is about to form the new Federal Government or the latter a member of the party which dislodged your Government of some standing in Delhi should not be allowed to derail our narrative here) Add to it the below the belt actions of the Prime Minister elect who throwing niceties, courtesies and convention to the wind campaigned against you. Against YOU! How mean and nasty that man is! And yet, and yet you scored a wonderful goal and defeated them. (I am sure you will agree with me yet again that small matters like a reduced margin etc should not dampen our spirit. I mean if Chidambaram can become Finance Minister, Home Minister, Finance Minister despite a margin of victory in double digits or some such thing, why should it bother us? But then we digress)

Third best dimple in India!

Let me confess. I like you. Not only because you possess the third best dimples going around in India at the moment, after my son and Priety Zinta in that order, but also because you are an inspiration for my generation. Here I was on the wrong side of forty with a daughter about to enter high school and worried stiff that I am already into the second innings of my life. And ‘poof’ you appear and convince me and the multitude of fellow travelers that ‘40+ is young’! I am energized, rejuvenated, full of hope and happy that I am young after all. The only regret that I share with you is that the others in our bracket and many below and above, couldn’t grasp this simple message and in their ignorance channelized the same energy and hope to run all the way to the EVM and vote for our opponents. If only you were allowed to contest all 543 seats and if only were the whole country Amethi. Sigh!

 

Almost empowered! Better luck next time Rahul!

One among many of your path breaking ideas was, you guessed it, Women empowerment. Now this is a subject very close to my heart. I am also a firm believer in this dictum that women must be empowered. And I practice it in my domestic life too! My better half (see no Wife, Mrs, Biwi, Spouse and other such derogatory words, Welcome!) is completely empowered and considers you her idol. So much so that she took it upon her to put into practice your dream of women empowerment and voted for Jayalalitha! I am sure the only regret I have is that you could have empowered a women similarly but then you are still a bachelor and I would not like to make this personal.

Let me also confess that I envy you! Here I am completely enmeshed by the mundane. Of doing a job, earning money, build a secure future, take care of my family, listen to bosses, sweat over targets, fear pink slips…………..I am sure you get the drift. And here are you! I don’t think you have had to do any job ever in your life. I mean being crowned Vice President of a party practicing Sexually Transmitted Democracy is not a JOB! Then again, Boss? What Boss? I am willing to slog all my life if I were to be given, just once, an opportunity to throw the laptop containing the presentation that the Board of Directors have slogged over right on their heads with your signature “You know what I think of this? NONSENSE!”

That Smile........PRICELESS!

And finally your absolute calm and equanimity on the face of adversity is what men should be made off. I was one among the multitude who saw you make that the post election results speech on TV. What nonchalance! Nothing fazes you while the shrill over-the-top media was calling a simple “pretty poor” a decimation, a debacle and what not! And that smile of yours as you took responsibility for that piddly pin prick called losing by a landslide…….well……………….PRICELESS!

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PS: Shall I stop honing my letter writing skills with this or shall I continue and put ink to paper and dash off one last salvo at Arvind Kejriwal? Please to tell!

Glossary :

Biwi : Wife